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Tue 28 Jan, 2020 11:57 am
I've been dating someone for almost 6 months. After the first or second month, he started saying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and marry. FYI, we are both in our 60's but he is close to 70 and I am not.
He is a great guy and has many qualities I've been looking for including being similar to me in terms of finances, religion, interests, values and the like. It's taken a long time to find him since I was widowed over 8 years ago.
He said he wants to be with me (marriage) because he's never felt so loved and been so in love. Also, we live a distance from each other and he is getting ready to retire and is lonely all week without me.
Problem is that I want more time (and I realize all I need to do is set a boundary) but the issue is he can be controlling. For example, he will tell me what to do instead of asking. Example: He will tell me how to do something I already know how to do or "you should brush your teeth at least 2 minutes" and then buys me a timer and puts it next to my toothbrush. Other examples: He will make a funny remark if he doesn't like an article of clothing even if I don't ask; he has told me I should put my cat to sleep since the cat is old and has been clawing me a lot (which is true and it's pretty bad) and he has offered to go to the vet and take care of it for me; and also told me to go to the dermatologist for the scratch marks and some other spots he sees (he is a dentist).
Also, he shows his affection a lot and some may say it's over the top. He tells me he loves me constantly when we are together (several times a day). He met my sisters and they told me he appears to be overly affectionate with me and he shouldn't push me to make any commitment (even though I really care for him a lot and only want to see him) . For example, if we are walking he may stop to kiss me and even if I'm sitting behind him in the car he will reach out behind him to hold my leg. At a recent art show, he bought each of rings but mine is somewhat different than his; but they are band rings so when he sent a picture to his adult daughter she asked if we were hitched and he laughed.
Does any of this sound like red flags?
Six months is not a long time in order to figure out a relationship. No need to rush into anything, especially at your ages.
The “ some people” in your life making observations should be ignored. Make up your own mind about him and if these behaviors warrant a red flag.
If someone would tell me to put my pet to sleep because it's old, he'd be out the door in a jiffy. Telling you to brush your teeth 2 min and buying a timer is a bit over the top, but for a dentist typical - they're all weird in a way.
Yet, making fun of you when you wear something that is displeasing to him, shows a cruel side I would not accept.
Don't get married until you're absolutely sure he's your prince charming and not a wet frog. Pressuring into marriage is a red flag.
@wooedornot,
Oh dear God, how bright of a red do you need? Please, please, please don't let him move in, and dear God, don't get married. Take some time, maybe he is perfect, but do you really need a manager/daddy now? I love companionship and conversation......but I don't need a control junkie telling me how to live. Marriage is a partnership, not a master and subordinate situation. You can be much more lonely with a control freak than when really alone.
@wooedornot,
He's definitely a control freak, and that will only get more extreme. If you want to spend the rest of your life with a control freak go ahead. Personally it's my idea of hell.
It sounds like all the other accounts and topics that you've made over the years.
Get some goddamned counseling and find out why you're so terrified of being alone that you continually and quickly get overly attached to losers, thieves, and control freaks like this prize.
@glitterbag,
glitterbag wrote:
I love companionship and conversation......but I don't need a control junkie telling me how to live.
Yes you do.
And sit up straight while you're at it!
@izzythepush,
hahahahahaha. Yes sir hahahahahahahahaha
@wooedornot,
Yeah, it kinda sounds like a parent-child relationship in the making. If you want to see if it's going to work out, reject all of his recommendations and watch his reaction.
Quote:if I'm sitting behind him in the car he will reach out behind him to hold my leg.
I'm curious as to why you were sitting in the backseat of the car. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for that, but I am curious.
@Glennn,
Pick me, pick me oo oo, I know pick me.
@glitterbag,
That's good I can't abide slouching.
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