Affair that started as a threesome - now I'm in love.

My wife, Sarah, and I, married 6 years, wanted to spice things up as things havent been normal since we had our first child. We wanted to explore and decided to try a threesome with a close friend of ours, Nicky.

Nicky is married, and her husband has no idea about the threesomes (their relationship is strong because they prioritise their kids but sexually very low key).

The problem is I became incredibly attracted to Nicky, in a way I don't feel with my wife. Nicky and I started messaging and things moved into a full blown affair for3 months now.

I am not attracted to my wife, all I can think about is Nicky, I know I'm in love - our families have been friends for 10+ years, and we've always had banter but now its far more than that.

However both of us won't leave our marriages because of our kids, there is never going to be anything more than hotel rooms and quick meet ups.

And also the threesomes have continued with my wife, however i think I'm not doing a good job of hiding my attraction for Nicky and my wife might suspect, but she enjoys the threesomes and is always keen to make it happen.

I would like to hear from anyone who has been in a situation where an affair will never be anything more than in secret - I need to know if its sustainable if we are careful or if ppl always get caught or anything else I should consider.

PS understand fundamentally that an affair is despicable, but i cant stop.