That's not my name, cute barrista.

I used to be often referred to as "retard" by my nana as she'd wake me up in the morning by putting cigarettes out on my forehead.

"Git up and take the trash out, retard."

But actually...no. But I'm the guy that calls everyone by the wrong name. I suck at names...or I'm just too busy thinking about gardening, planting flowers, and the Partridge Family to listen.

I wear one of those "Hello. My name is _______" tags 24/7 that way all of the people I come into contact with know who I am.

I also wear one of those "Be nice to me. I gave blood today." tags so that everyone has to be nice to me.

I suppose if I smeared my face with pig's blood every morning, no one would ever forget my name.
Unfortunately, I don't know of any pigs nearby. Guess I'll just have to use the quarts of human blood in my fridge.

Yeah, that should do it.

I also don't very often correct people when they get my name wrong. What's up with that? I'm afraid to cause them embarrassment so I just play along indefinitely? What a wuss.

After a short time in the kitchen, Gargamel returns to the library.

Yup. When I'm not at the library, I'm on the road with Slipknot.

I come from a family with a lot of men with names that start with J, a lot of senility, and a lot of alcoholism. It'd be impossible to go a day around them without being addressed as somebody else.

Since I plan on being a senile alcoholic someday, I don't mind so much.

My grandfather (I only saw him three times my entire life, perhaps this accounts for the memory loss) could never remember how to spell my name. We corrected him endlessly, but every birthday card would spell out...

"Khristal."

"Thanks for the card Grandfather!

Love,

C-R-Y-S-T-A-L
Main Entry: 1crys·tal
Pronunciation: 'kris-t&l
Function: noun
1 : quartz that is transparent or nearly so and that is either colorless or only slightly tinged
2 : something resembling crystal in transparency and colorlessness
3 : a body that is formed by the solidification of a chemical element, a compound, or a mixture and has a regularly repeating internal arrangement of its atoms and often external plane faces
4 : a clear colorless glass of superior quality; also : objects or ware of such glass
5 : the glass or transparent plastic cover over a watch or clock dial
6 : a crystalline material used in electronics as a frequency-determining element or for rectification
7 : powdered methamphetamine."

a consultant at work regularily calls me john (not my name, and i've known him for two years)

the guy that comes to service the boilers regularily calls me joel (not my name , and i've known him for about 7 years)

a good friend of my mom's calls me john (still not my name, but i don't really know her all that well so she has some excuse)

one thing that makes me feel better about these situations, they are at least fairly close to my real name, how the hell does garg, get from chris to paul, not much similarity there at all

the other day somebody called me Reggie...

I love it when people get my name wrong or mispronounce it. It makes me feel safer.

What i REALLY hate, is when people use my name to me repeatedly, and we aren't close enough for it to be acceptable.It's like somebody invading my space and makes me cringe.

yeah, that's super annoying.

well, to end everyone's suspense, she got my name right today, realized what she was doing, was embarrassed, oh yeah, she wants me.

Hell yeah leave room for cream...I've got the cream and stir stick right heah!

I have a (not so) funny story about name misconception involving a classmate with whom I had classes for a little less than a year (remember that here one usually has the same classmates for all classes).

Her: García? that's very common here. What's your other last name? (mother's maiden name is legally our 2nd surname)
Joe: González
Her: It sucks to have 2 common surnames. At least your name's not José.

She, apparently, thought my name was Joe.

Actually, the question I want to ask is why are all the Baristas sooooooooo cute !!!

Everytime I go to the coffee shop in my building, I go weak in my knees...

I have 2 sisters, and all of our names begin with J.
My mother called my older sister Joan.
She called my younger sister Jill.

She had two names for me. Either....

Joan, I mean Jill, I mean Joyce
or
Jill, I mean Joan, I mean Joyce

My birth surname began with a "Z" so it always sounded like I was drunk when I said my full name.
"Hey, take a look at that 8 year old, she's plowed"!

I don't care for it when someone calls me Joy (yuck) - However, I also get called Lois and Doris.
What?