Does this makes sense?

I was always a shy person, since my childhood I was always inhibited, afraid to speak my mind and express my emotions, not to do or say something wrong. I learned to suppress my emotions from early age. In part because of religion we were thought and in part because of superficial family relationships and it could be because I’m more genetically prone to it. Throughout the whole time I was in school though (primary and secondary, never went to college) I suffered in silence. I feel this inability to express myself took a high toll on me. It impaired my development, my ability to connect and have meaningful relationships, ability to experience a range of emotions and more importantly learn to control them.

I was a people pleaser, too much accommodating others at the expense of myself, I would agree with my friends on everything they said or believed even when it was in complete contradiction to my other friend’s believes I agreed on. This made me realize that what I’m doing is not right. I felt like an impostor, like a liar. I was a shell of a human, superficial, without depth. Never engaged, fully living my life. I could sense in my friends their self assurance that I desperately lacked and I wondered how come they are so lively and energetic and I’m not. But to me this passivity was my personality. The concept of self didn’t exist in my head, it was always something that didn’t matter, not more than my friends. I realized over time that I had no thoughts of my own, opinions or believes and the more evident this problem became the more I felt anxious and desperate to change that. I didn’t express my true emotions either, always pretending to be in a good mood when deep down I was dying. This led to inability to feel pleasure and I became more anxious. I always felt inferior to others and worthless. I begun suffocating more each day and days became more and more unbearable. I couldn’t stand this feeling any more so one day I completely isolated myself. It was after I finished school and was working as a waitress.
I isolated myself for 9 years. I pushed all my friends away. Now I have no friends.

I was working all those years but I stopped socializing completely and for several years out of those 9 I worked cleaning private homes where I was all by myself, so I was living alone and at work I spent time alone. Months could go by without talking to anyone. All I did was reading and thinking a lot.. This lack of communication and socialization made me more estranged to myself, the social self, but I did develop more of myself, opinions, believes and it helped me dig into what was going on beneath the hood and express it.

So I isolated myself for 9 years because I couldn’t stand the constant feeling of inferiority and inadequacy any more and my inability to express myself and due to a lack of sense of self.
Inability to connect and have all those needs met, like social belonging, self esteem and sense of identity.

Does this makes sense to you?

Or do you think I’m crazy?