Was I wrong here... Need counsel

Marone! Just let it go pal.

Break it off, there's plenty of women who won't do you dirty like that.
Find yourself a nice Italian woman or a nice Greek woman they're loyal to a T.
The reality is she f&@#*d up & yeah it hurts but you gotta let it go. There is no need to keep going with her or to keep the drama going.

I'm not entirely sure that I believe this story but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and play along.

If it's true then you've both behaved pretty appallingly, and I really don't understand why either of you would want to stay in this train wreck of a relationship.

I understand your hesitation believing how stupid it all
Sounds. I make no excuse for my behavior. I felt horrible.

I actually did what I did because I was trying to prove her sort of “not believable” version of her story to be true.

She and I have a very alarmingly peculiar existence. I realize that. We are unorthodox at best. But our affection for each other is real. And out irristitbleness to each other is also real.

I want to let her go but I have trouble doing that. She apparently has the same trouble. But I fear this time I have gone too far.

She said very specifically it wasn’t me going behind her back to find out that made her angry but that it was my CONFESSING it to her that’s made her hate me.

Apparently, she was okay with me doubting her and needing to find out the truth if I needed to know so badly, but she is convinced I only told her that I found out in order to rub in that I was right and that I wanted to hurt her.

When I’m actuality I felt like if she ever found out from the guy some hot chic on Instagram wanted sorted details of their encounter that I should have already confessed it to her and I should allow her the control of whether she forgives me or not since I was the wrong doer.

She maintains I should have swallowed it forever and allowed her to confess or not confess on Hernandez own timing. Since she was hurt by that other man rejecting her I’ve now made her feel unlovable and hurt her all over again because she’s convinced I wanted to mock
Her with this man. And the truth is I just wanted to prove her story true. But it was obviously not true right away and I was in too deep at that point.

I knew she could hate me for deceiving her and the man. But I didn’t know she’d hate me for confessing it to her and making her feel “not pretty” and rejected all over again.

She cheated on me for sure. She doesn’t deny that. And yet she gets to have had her other man, found out that it doesn’t work for him, come back to me, lie to me about it, and when I call her on that the act of calling her on it is what makes her hate me.

Why does she get to be the wrong doer, and the hater.

Pretend she lied about doing heroin. What if I deceived her to confirm she was lying about doing heroin. Then she hated me for telling her I “knew she does heroin!” Because I onky told her I knew because now in her mind I just wanted her to know I knew and I wanted her to feel bad that I knew she lied. Versus wanting to confess my wrong doing to her.

She maintains my confessing it all is what she hates.