Need to Vent

It’s been about 7 months since you broke up with me; however, it’s been about 4 months since I found out you were having an affair from January to March 20 something (when you finally decided to leave me). I thank you because I have found myself and realized how toxic you were to my life. You showed me what a relationship shouldn’t be, what I should expect in the future, and all the red flags I need to look out for. You are the definition of a narcissist. You fucked me up in more ways than one- from the lying to the scapegoating, to using me for money. As you were celebrating 4 months with your new girlfriend, I was on anti-depressant medication and staying at my mom’s so sad and depressed because you had just broke up with me and left the house, left me with thinking it was me who was the problem. You called me crazy, a psycho, insecure; however, the whole time it was you who was, and you were just dragging me down projecting your feelings onto me. You were cheating on me and I had every right to feel that way, but you dismissed it and said nothing was going on that it was just me making **** up. When we were still together, you wouldn’t come home til 12 at night sometimes not at all, you wouldn’t answer your phone when I would call- some nights I was scared shitless crying because I thought something bad happened to you. I would wait to cook dinner until you came home only to find out you wouldn’t be home til 12 or 1 in the morning so I would skip meals. You said you were hanging out with Ricky and in June you told me Gladys wasn’t even around then. For your birthday, you went to Mexico (where I wanted to go) but you went with coworkers you said and left me at home, that’s when I first saw Gladys in the picture on Facebook and you told me it was nothing, again, just a girl crushing on you. I was always concerned about her because it was like you guys were together, I mean you even deleted everything of us on social media. Again, you said social media was fake and me being mad that you deleted all of our stuff was pathetic. Even after breaking up I was there for you, you would come over and see Nani- I would help you out with money and you would tell me how much you loved me and how hard it is to be struggling away from Nani and I. Then fast forwarding to when I found out everything, you lied about Gladys all the way until June 18th, when I finally said I want nothing to do with you, then you finally admitted you were with her but you still lied- you said you guys have only been together for a week, when in reality, it was since January. Gladys was posting stuff the whole time about you guys being together, celebrating month anniversaries but you always came up with a lie to get me to believe you. For example, when she posted happy 5 months and you got her white roses, you told me that her mom got those for her, and you were so broke you couldn’t have if you wanted to. Then when I saw her picture on the back of your phone, you told me she put it there and she’s just a crazy 19-year-old crushing on you…that I have nothing to worry about. You always said that I was just trippen about Gladys, that I was tripping over someone so young- yet the whole time you were with her. All of this should make me hate you, should open my eyes and make me realize what a piece of **** you are but I am such a good person I actually feel bad for you. How you could put someone through this type of **** and not feel bad is beyond me. I am happy now, I like being alone, but I do need help. I am fucked up because of this, I still have a lot of healing to do. I tell myself it’s been 7 months since we broke up, I should be over it. This shouldn’t affect me anymore, but everyday it does. It hurts seeing how you can go on like you didn’t do anything and how you can deny cheating on me when all the posts show it. The sad thing is I don’t even think Gladys knows the truth because you are so good at lying and she is so in love with you, I feel bad for her too. Gladys was being cheated on too from January to March because you were still sleeping with me in March, but she doesn’t have a clue. She probably thinks I am some psycho like you always said I was. You don’t deserve anyone, you are toxic and a liar and I don’t know her but Gladys deserves better than you.