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Is my boyfriend too selfish to stay in relationship?

 
 
Reply Thu 5 Sep, 2019 09:00 am
Despite being with my bf for many years I've noticed a clear pattern to his behavior - in terms of being self centered. If something is in it for him, he goes for it and vice versa. He pouts if he doesn't get his way often as well and doesn't seem to have any empathy in certain situations particularly if he's not included.

Example: I had planned a vacation for about several days with my kids and sister and her husband - it's an annual thing we do each year mostly. While i invited my bf we had a disagreement about 2 weeks before and then a close family member died - I was wiped out so I told him it was best if he didn't go - he said he took off the time from work so he was going even alone. Whatever. So we resolved for him to come the last 2 days.

Before he joined me, he complained on the phone about wasting his time off and he was really bored (at one point he was yelling at me even though the funeral was the day before and I was really upset); that the hotel he was staying at the first night was really expensive and this "wasn't the vacation he planned". When he met me, I bought him dinner one night and the other night we went "dutch" even though he stayed for free the 2nd night with me. He never offered to pay for anything.

BUT I paid for the rental home (and he was never expected to pay); there was a hotel very close by that was much more reasonable but he chose not to stay there; he could have worked the few extra days but chose not to, etc. Then he had no sympathy for the death in our family.

I am good to him and can't understand why he is acting like such an ass - he just can't cope when he isn't included and under the circumstances that's really selfish.

I should have been able to lean on him and he should have been a shoulder for me during the difficult death that just happened BUT HE WASN'T!

do I just leave him b/c I feel like I don't love him anymore - but we are invited to his best friend's daughter wedding in 2 weeks.

Advice please!
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Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 5 Sep, 2019 10:12 am
@breakingapart123,
Dump his a$$.

Really and honestly. I once dumped a friend because of her selfishness. It was around a death as well - I won't go into the details but basically she was more upset that I did not personally call her and tell her a weekend away due to my FIL being killed in a car accident. When she yelled at me about it - I simply said - I want nothing further to do with you.

Done - when someone is so selfish that a death in the family is of much less significance to them than a little discomfort or something exciting like a vacation is canceled then you should simply say "I want nothing further to do with you."

Quote:
do I just leave him b/c I feel like I don't love him anymore - but we are invited to his best friend's daughter wedding in 2 weeks.


Yes you leave him - you have more than enough reasons - you just need a push and confirmation - I felt so free when I dumped my friend. It is freeing to release your self from someone who is toxic.

Who cares about the wedding - he can go solo. He didn't care about your family member's death, why the heck should you care about his friend's daughter's wedding? No reason for you to "waste your time off....or be bored at his friend's daughter wedding!"

And if he complains about you not going to the wedding tell him you don't want to "waste your time off or be bored."

Go get him girl! You deserve someone much better.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 5 Sep, 2019 10:34 am
@breakingapart123,
breakingapart123 wrote:

....

I am good to him and can't understand why he is acting like such an ass - he just can't cope when he isn't included and ... that's really selfish.
....
Fixed that for ya.

He's a tall toddler with gray (or white, or no) hair.

Dump his sorry, insensitive, tone-deaf ass.

You owe nothing to anyone, even the folks who are running the wedding. But if you want to go above and beyond (which is not necessary, BTW), once you break up with the guy, contact the folks putting on the wedding so they have a fighting chance of not having to pay for your plate.

But like I said, it's not a requirement.
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glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Sep, 2019 11:05 am
@breakingapart123,
Dump him, dump him, dump his selfish ass. Do it for you and also to make sure your kids don't have to see him treat you so badly.
0 Replies
 
breakingapart123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Sep, 2019 10:26 am
I thank all of you and want to just add:
He knew I was in a bad way coping with the family member dying and just finding out my sister was diagnosed with cancer. But he decided to argue with me 2 weeks before the trip, he was vicious to me and attacked me verbally for way too long - then he gave me a note which he supposedly wrote a few weeks beforehand that said that he wouldn't be joining us on our trip because I can't stand up to my son who doesn't like him at all.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Sep, 2019 11:06 am
@breakingapart123,
Did you dump his sorry a$$ yet! We all hope so - please make our days and let us know he is gone.
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breakingapart123
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Sep, 2019 06:41 am
Was going to break it off tonight and I get a message that he’s taking me to the nicest restaurant in area and I should wear something sexy. First it’s his favorite restaurant not mine and he obviously feels guilty and is trying hard to get on my good side and prevent me walking.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Sep, 2019 06:43 am
@breakingapart123,
So?

I would still tell him where to stick it.

Unless you think a $200 (or whatever) dinner is worth more than him mistreating you.
breakingapart123
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Sep, 2019 06:49 am
@jespah,
Agreed. Once again if there’s something in it for him it’s fine. Instead isn’t it more considerate to ask me where I’d like to go instead of instructing me including what I wear??
0 Replies
 
 

 
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