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Is ThIs Racism?

 
 
Anon103
 
Reply Wed 14 Aug, 2019 04:17 am
I am a person of mixed descent. I have a friend who is also mixed and they are in a mixed race relationship for 36 years now. Her partner is not her child biological parent but he adopted the child from an early age. They are very much a close knit family. The problem is my friends Step-parent on her side.
Its hard to explain but I will give you a few situations that took place. Only my friend is asking me if these actions are racially motivated. As she is concerned because it is segregating her from other family members into a them an us situation.
1st Senario
When my friend broke up with the biological partner of her child she says she went back to her mothers to live. However as her mother was in a new relationship herself. Things were not so good as the new Step-father told the mother to “get rid of her as the deal was he would look after my friends mother and her two younger children but not my friend (who found out she was pregnant).
Now this situation is common with most families the question being asked was that out of the three younger children (including my friend who was pregnant). My friend was the darkest of the three. And it is this person that the Step-father told my friends mother to get rid of.
2nd Senario
My friend had by now got married and her husband adopted her child. My friends mother tried to encourage her husband to get to know the grandchild more. So he arranged to take the child to the zoo. When my friend pick her child up from the station she said “did you have a nice day with granddad?” The child said “Oh N*** told me not to keep calling him grandad call him N***.”
My friends husband got really angry at this and went and asked him own father if this was OK. His dad said “no its not he’s my grandchild!” The child was about 8 at the time.
There were other incidences over the next few years. But by and large my friend said she tried to ignore most of it until
3rd Senario
My friends parents had been married now for over 30 years. My friend found out that their marriage was one of convenience. Apparently according to my friends mother she would wash, cook for the guy while he maintained the household bills etc. They sleep in separate rooms.
They went on holiday, to the west indies. Now given the fact that they have been in contact with most of the relatives for over 30 years. My friend rushed on the phone to tell me that apparently the relatives in the west indies were a little upset. As when they went out to a restaurant they instructed their Uncle (the friends Step-Dad) to join the rest of the relatives at the table.
Part way through they had to go to another table and ask the Step-dad why he was sitting with strangers as he sat at the wrong table. I asked the question that I know any of you readers are thinking. What complexion was the people in the restaurant? They were mainly dark people. The Uncle (my friends Step-dad) couldn’t tell the difference.
Present Day
The parents are now old been together for nearly 40 years. My friend has repeated been asked to “help the parents,” you know the usual wash cook clean. She says for the most part she has refused as she is not well and has a family of her own. But occasionally she helps so does one of the younger children. The other day she purchased groceries as another relative from abroad was visiting they had special needs diet as they are all vegans. She sent the delivery van to the house. The Step-Dad refused the groceries. She asked them the next day if they received the groceries as they were due to go somewhere together. When the mother heard she apologised and said they sent it back (even though it had already been paid for). So my friend re-ordered it to be delivered again. In the meantime on the Step-Dad was introducing everyone and said “this is my Child,” to my friends younger brother. But to my friend the Step-dad said “this is my wife’s daughter.” My friend got very angry then and turned to who they were being introduced to and said “we are both his wife’s children none of us are yours are we N***”.
Apparently her mum told her off. But as my friend said and as I and my husband who known them virtually all their lives. The Step-Dad only came on the scene when the youngest child was 11 years old. And my friend was 19 years old.
The difference between the two children is their skin colour the younger one came out lighter than the older one. My friend asked if this was prejudicial.
What do you think?
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jespah
 
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Reply Wed 14 Aug, 2019 05:19 am
@Anon103,
I don't know if it is specifically racist (even though it's looking that way).

I think it's more he's boorish, at least when it comes to your friend and, really all of his wife's biological children. To treat one differently from the others is nasty, and it can happen in families where everyone is the same skin tone. And for him to double down on this for 4 (!) decades is just nuts. He erected a wall in his head, and he never let anyone in unless they passed muster for him in some manner. And it may be true that the only way that anyone can pass muster with him is to be lighter in skin color. And that's sad.

As for the other things, the restaurant, etc. You are hearing them third hand so it's hard to tell.

No matter what, he does seem to judge people on appearance. Even if he's not technically a racist, he sure as hell is unfairly judgmental.
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