Still miss her 6 months later

I can't believe I can still feel my heart breaking.

I know she has completely moved on, doesn't have a morsel of a feeling left for me, I'm probably not even a blink of an eye thought to her anymore. How is that possible? Somebody she said was so special to her, that she loved so much, that made her smile and laugh like I did, it's like I was never part of her life. After all the happy, amazing times together, how is that possible? To not even miss me, think about me, at all? How could she have seemed so happy when with me, and now seem just as happy or happier without me?

I thought we both felt this undeniable, indescribable connection and chemistry. I thought for sure this meant we were supposed to be together, that nobody could feel this and this not meant to be. The way we were automatically drawn to each other, the way she said she felt something for me the very first time we met, the way she kept coming back to me, the way she looked at me and acted with me, I was so sure she felt the exact same thing. In my mind there was no way I could feel this, and she could be acting the way she was and saying the things she was and this not be right. How could there be somebody else out there that could make her feel and act the way she did with me?

It's been 6 months and I still catch myself saying that I can't believe she broke up with me. The entire time we were together she seemed soo happy and in love with me. She was so affectionate, always cuddling and hanging on me, smiling, giggling, lighting up when I was around. The few days leading up to me meeting her and her family on vacation she was texting me, calling me, facetiming me. Telling me how much she misses me, loves me, couldn't wait for me to get to where they were. She seemed soo happy once I got there. We were having so much fun the first few days. Drinking, dancing, laying around, having amazing sex. Everything seemed perfect. I couldn't wait to start the new year with her. She seemed just as certain that we were going to be together (talked about both our birthdays, valentines day, music festival over the summer) and excited about it as well.
I had no idea anything was even remotely wrong or irritating her, let alone that she was so unhappy that she wanted to break up with me! To break up with somebody you must be so unhappy being with them. That kills me that she was at that level with me. But how could she have been that miserable and me not know at all? Yes she was cold our last 2 days together but that literally started out of nowhere.

She listed off a bunch of reasons she broke up with me, but none of them really made any sense. None of them were things that were insurmountable, that couldn't be discussed, worked on, even just freaking hinted at. Why couldn't she just something like "Hey babe, I feel like we've only been doing what I want to do lately, what do you want to do tonight?" or "Why don't you choose what we get for dinner tonight I feel like I've been deciding a lot lately?" if she felt like I was deferring to her too much. Which I don't even think I really did! Is it that hard to say something to your boyfriend like this? She said she felt partly contained. I have NO idea how. She went and did whatever she wanted, whenever, with whoever. I made sure not to make plans too much with her or too far in advance. Didn't text all damn day long. Even if she felt that way, couldn't she have just said "Babe, I want to spend the weekend with my friends, I feel like we've been spending a lot of time together lately/I feel a little smothered."?

She said she really wanted it to work. If she wanted it to work so badly, why didn't she even ONCE try to say something, ask me something, hint at something.

It just kills me that the last 6 months we could have so many moments, so many experiences, so many dinners, nights out, mornings waking up together. But we've been complete strangers. No more knowing what's going on in each others lives, no more sweet dreams texts, no more mornings of her pulling me in tight telling me she loves me when I kiss her goodbye. It kills me.

I just don't understand what she didn't love about me, about us. What she felt wasn't right between us. How can I still feel like she's the one after everything that's happened. How could she know I'm not the one for her without ever having have tried to work through what was going on in her head.

I've met and been with so many girls. I've never fallen for any of them. Never been happy like this with any of them. I look through all these girls on dating apps, in the streets, and none of them do anything for me like my ex. I don't know how I'm supposed to find this perfect package again. She's beyond beautiful, sexy, cute, adorable. Caring, affectionate, thoughtful, fun, bubbly. I could go on forever.

I just want things to be how they were supposed to be. How we talked about them being. The last 6 months I was supposed to be so happy and so in love. I've been basically nothing but sad and depressed. Why did this have to happen to me? I'm a good person, I do the right thing. I treated her like absolute gold. I took her on awesome dates, we seemed to always have the best time when together, I was there for her when she needed me, I got her cute little gifts just because, I was supportive, caring, thoughtful, loving, affectionate, encouraging. I thanked the universe for bringing this girl back into my life (it was our second time dating with 6 months in between). I just don't get why none of it was enough.

In my head, since it's not like anything so terrible happened, maybe we could still make it work at some point. She's connected to my social circle by association so it's not like there's no way to ever see her or speak to her again. But I don't know. I don't even want to find anybody else. I still think she's the one, she just needs to grow up, mature a bit, see just how good I was to her compared to what else is out there.

I just miss her so much. I can't believe she's out there without me like it's nothing. I'll never even come close to understanding how somebody that acted/seemed so happy and in love with me could break up with me like this and move on so easily. **** PLEASE COME BACK TO ME.