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Sat 11 May, 2019 06:32 am
So me and my bf have been together for 6 months and i feel guilty for complaining to friends and coleagues about him. I vent and tell them randon things he said to me that hurt me. I only say the bad things and recently i have only realized that i do this. I feel verg guilty and feel like i have painted a bad picture of him because they only hear the bad stuff. I have talked to my bf about this and he said its fine just dont do it anymore, if i have a problem - come and talk to him. He is very mature and a great bf and thats why i feel guilty. I dont know what to do. I feel really bad and keep thinking that i ruined our relationship and peoples perspective on him. Although my friends still like him and have fun with him i still feel bad. I am going to stop doing this. Stop venting and trash talking because i love him a lot but i dont know if its going to fix peoples view of him... maybe they will forget and this will only be remember as some immature thing i used to do in the beggining? In the long run maybe everythig will be ok? Help please...
@Jusemusepuse,
You're taking a good first step.
Now let's follow through with it.
- Have other things to talk about with your friends. This means activities, books you're reading, etc.
- Become a better listener. There are 2 sides to every conversation, so cultivate the art of being on the receiving end.
- When your friends ask how things are between you two, confine your response to just a few sentences. E. g. We went to the museum the other day and it's funny, but he looks just like one of the guys in a Vermeer." It's okay for it to not all be sunshiny. You're not engaging in a cover up. Rather, you're balancing the conversation.
- Recognize why you've been doing this. A one on one heart to heart is often for advice, but a big tell-all to a bunch of people smells like grandstanding to me.
- Talk to your boyfriend about the things that upset you in the relationship. Give him a fighting chance of fixing them.
- And if/when you notice that you're doing it again, hit the brakes and change the subject.
Everyone needs a cookie person - someone you can vent to.
Since your BF is not perfect, it’s perfectly normal to need to talk to someone. But it should be that one, wise, person who will help you see things clearly, not all your friends.
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