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EX headache, please help .

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Lovi
 
Reply Wed 8 May, 2019 05:52 pm
Hello, please help me sort out this situation .

We were dating long-distance with my ex ( he's 30 and I'm 26) for nearly 3 years when he quietly disappeared after a conversation we had where I playfully told him that I didn't care if he were to leave for another woman . I've always had a pattern of playing it cool with him because I've been scared of showing vulnerability . After that day though, we were broken up for 10 months since he never really said anything but quietly disappeared. He's an avoidant who despises conflicts . I didn't pursue him but made sure rumors got to him that I had someone else, only to hurt him the way he hurted me . Two months ago though we got back in touch and he apologised for the way he went off the radar. I asked him some help with a project when I'll be back to my country and he showed enthusiasm and support, even making inside jokes.
Knowing he's also single, I confessed after that I still loved him and told him all the truth about having been single for the past months but also lashed out at him, telling how he broke my heart . He never responded to my email.

In 3 months I'll be back in my country. Should I let him know I'm back or just leave things this way ? I can't help but feel like there's an "unfinished business".
Thanks a lot and sorry if there are mistakes, I'm a french speaker .
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roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 8 May, 2019 06:18 pm
@Lovi,
Maybe I misunderstand the situation, but it sounds like you told him you didn't care if he left you for another woman. It also sounds like he did. I'm pretty sure most men would do the same.

I'm sorry, but if he had asked for my advice, I would have told him to do exactly what he did.
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Wed 8 May, 2019 07:15 pm
Why tease an “avoidant.” ? He sounds like he’s not in touch with his own feelings much less with a woman who teases. ( Your tease was passive-aggressive, btw.)

Contact him again and tell him where and when you will be there and tell him he either makes an effort to connect with you, or you will consider things closed. He needs to make the next step.

He really sounds like he takes too much energy to have a relationship with!
Lovi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 May, 2019 07:37 pm
@roger,
I understand. Thanks.
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Lovi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 May, 2019 07:42 pm
@PUNKEY,
Yes, he's had insecurity issues and never expressed his dissatisfaction with the relationship, what I mistook for patience.
He never told me he didn't love me anymore though, never blocked me anywhere but just stayed silent. Now that I'll be back for good, I just feel like there's a great potential we could work out if only he was willing to ( communication issues have been our hardship, coupled with distance...)

Thank you for your advice. I'll follow it.
Lovi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 May, 2019 07:46 pm
@Lovi,
But what if I already told him that if he didn't make a move, I'll just let it go, and he still not replied ?
Really, Id'd like to try again mostly because I'll come home?

But I'll hear you out . The whole silence thing has been killing me and yet I still wait to travel back to take a decision .
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