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Thu 28 Mar, 2019 05:56 am
Ok here I go again but you all help me so much....right so we are almost 5 years in and my gf I just don't get at all. So the background is she lives with her dad and she's 35 and I'm 51 but I'm an extremely fit and healthy 51 yr old and the physique of a 20 yr old so I'm told and a young mentalitybas I'm not ready to behold just yet. Now I see my gf twice a week if I'm lucky or a couple of weeks will pass by but we call and text and she makes video calls.
Now 2 weeks ago she tells me I'm too cringy because I'm very loving and complimentary, she goes onto tell me I grate her nerves I'm too possessive and over powering, now I questioned this as it's quite the opposite as she can't bare it when I talk to people because I'm social and she isn't, she claims men will get the wrong impression yet I'm so not Bi I have no interest in men what so ever. I questioned her about this and she told me she was sorry as it deeply upset me as I'm so far from being how she describes. Now she only lives a 20 minute drive away and I moved here as it was what she wanted and I have been looking to move for many years.
Now she says these things and she rarely pays me any compliments yet I (in her words) make her feel like nobody else has made her feel and I accept her quirky dress sense and her ways.
Now I went to see my mum after 3 months and mothers day is on it's way. My gf messages me as she missed me saying "woman where the fk are you, I miss you right now" as she knew I was with my mum but my location on whatsapp ended. Now the next day I returned home we spoke on video call as I was on the train and she tells me "I miss you intensely" so I say "Ok do you want me to pop over" her face changes and I see she doesn't want me to so I tell her ok I won't the call ended and she messaged me saying she wants nights on her own lol all she wants is to be in her parents flat building fishing riggs then go fishing with her dad.
Now I had arranged for a date today with her of caving and rock climbing as we never do what I want it's always her hobbies we pursue and she let me know she didn't want to do it even though I was paying and she wants to do free stuff like lighting a fire on a hill, but again it's what she wants and my wants are again being dismissed. So I said ok that I will do as she wants and I try to understand her. So I have cancelled for today with her as I'm sick of having to push these events to one side even though it's our only chance as Im taking my son to Liverpool and shes going fishing most likely with her dad again on the Friday and she's voluntered to work Saturday night even though we were going to a partybwhivh she claims to have forgotten just as she had forgotten we were to meet up last Thursday, I'm sick of what I want to do never actually happening.
I went through bullying in the work place via a girl who is a homophobic and racist of which I'm pursuing, in the mean time I'm on a ward whereby the staff are superb and they have built my confidence to the rafters and I'm feeling good about myself again, my gf just tells me about the lines around my lips she tells me I have lumps on my head and the thinnest of lips and makes me feel unattractive when I have to keep telling myself I'm not, but I told her how it makes me feel and that I'm not going to listen to her anymore as I have work colleagues who have built me up and I won't let that feeling go.
Now her dad is a very negative man who I feel she's very much alike and his attitude is rubbing off on her as he has a dark sense of humour and can say odd and sometimes harsh things thinking it's funny. Now this is how she is yet if I was to say something negative back she doesn't like it so I say nothing but nice things to her, she tells me she loves me and she's only messing when it comes to the cruel words but they stick and it makes me feel quite shitty even though I have been feeling so good about myself and she makes me feel ugly when I'm starting to think good about myself.
On the odd day I do see her I make the absolute most of it as I don't know when I'm going to see her next and in 3 weeks she starts work doing either shifts of 11am until 7pm or 3pm until 11pm 5 days a week, I work from 7am to 19.30pm 3 days a week as a nurse and I can work 1 extra shift on the bank to earn extra money but I always ask her if it's ok or whether she has plans for us or I work the bank shift on a Sunday which I know she is working.
But my big gripe is we don't spend enough time together as it is and when she starts work it will be none existent, we never do what I plan for us, she spends more time with her dad and she's 35 yrs than with me, she changes her mind constantly and her words and and her wants don't match. How can someone miss you intently yet when I offer to go see her its No!!!! Just nothing about her makes sense or is it just me????. I see couples moving on and growing together and moving in together yet here she is now wanting nights on her own. I just don't get it and I no longer trust her words when she tells me she loves me.
It's just one big mind fk if I'm honest and I'm in a mind set that I want to do more as life is so so short and we need to make the most of our lives as it's so short and time waits for nobody yet she's happy being and wanting go be alone in her dad's little flat in her room doing fishing riggs.
She wants to save for a caravan as it's only this way we will ever live together and she won't move into my home as it means a normal life and her having to pay towards rent etc. I don't want to waist my life and I want to do more as she is happy living in her parents place with no bills no rent to pay no food to buy nothing. So I'm in the .one set now of backing off and just getting on with my life and not just waiting for her to give me a day in the week that we can do what she wants. It's like time is running out for us and things are starting to crumble. So do I just carry on doing what I want and let her just be as I don't ever want to restart any other relationship as I have had enough of it all, it's all too much having to get to know someone else to given of myself etc etc I mostly think I'm better off on my own.
I know, being in a relationship like this shouldn't take you from pure happiness from the life and path your following to her words and behaviour making you feel this low. I told her I'm stepping back that she's not to expect anything from me or of me that I'm no longer waiting on her to want to do anything I'm getting on with living my life doing the things I want even when she doesn't. I told her I'm done.
Too me it comes across that your being a bit oversensitive? That does not necessarily mean this is the right relationship for you.... you have to decide if your willing to accept her for who she is with all her imperfections, if not, then better to end it.
@mystikmind,
I get what your saying but when you up and move 60 miles and with your 2 children you change your life so you can be closer and all she can manage is 2 night's maybe even 1 and after 2 weeks not seeing her and she tells you she misses you intensely so you offer to go see her that evening and she laughs as her face shows she doesn't want you to and prefers nights on her own then I think for me that my gf thinks as I'm so accepting that anything she wants goes irrespective of her even missing me. It's a head fk that would if I'm guessing right make anyone back off as I am doing. Maybe one day it will be a case of "you don't know what you have got till it's gone" I am sensitive yes but when you are on the receiving end of her jibes and her withdrawal and choosing being with her dad over you then your told to forget the comments and move on, well it's not that easy so I'm taking that step back and living my life around my boys rather than always waiting when she's ready and accepting to just see her when she's ready and willing. If it just fades and ends naturally then so be it for me and I'm preparing myself for that I guess.
@Sarlav,
I really don't understand why you're just waiting to see if this fades away.
She sounds selfish, manipulative, and just plain nasty.
I would be telling her to **** off and get on with my life without her.
@cherrie,
Yep I know but she can't see it so I'm not even contacting her and I am getting on with my life and your right. She uses her beauty to manipulate so I'm switching off my heart to her right now.
@Sarlav,
Good luck. I hope it all goes well for you.
@cherrie,
Thankyou. She's not all bad her thinking is as a single person as she's a solitary individual and all this is nothing new it's just how much less I'm willing and able to tolerate when I have sacrificed so much and all I ask is for her time and to do things I think will be good for us to have some fun as a family unit. Thankyou for your input and your time it's very much appreciated. X
@Sarlav,
Man... i know how this all works, in the beginning when you are besotted with her you will jump at her every whim, and that sets the precedents for the boundaries of the relationship! Then after a while you wake up and realize what the F--- is going on here?
And she is not smart enough to understand men and how relationships are really supposed to work....
If it does not end, you need to sit down and discuss relationship boundaries.
@cherrie,
A Woman? ... yep!
Just goes to show that the problems men and women have are not so different!!
@mystikmind,
Yep I'm a woman.......relationships are extremely challenging and even though we are both women there are still many challenges.
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