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sentence writing

 
 
hkhlcq
 
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2019 09:01 pm
"Joe was seated at his desk dabbing a paintbrush at a paint palette on a wooden chair beside him." or " Seated at his desk, Joe dabbed a paintbrush at a paint brush on a wooden chair beside him." Which one is better? Why?
Many thanks!@ helpers
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 387 • Replies: 5
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izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 02:30 am
@hkhlcq,
They're both a bit problematic, as a rule of thumb try to use as few words as possible, each word should add something to the sentence.

Going by that rule the second one is better assuming you meant to say paint palette and not repeat paintbrush again. You don't need to say paint palette, palette will suffice as it's pretty clear by context that's what it is.

Also you seem to be cramming a lot into one sentence. Do you really need to say that the wooden chair is next to him in that sentence?

How about, Seated at his desk, Joe dabbed his paintbrush in the palette he kept on a wooden chair beside him.


laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 07:52 am
@hkhlcq,
Pablo dabbled upon the palette, it was all too easel.
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hkhlcq
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 05:21 pm
@izzythepush,
Many thanks! How about omit "he kept" in your version? If you insist, could you please tell me why?
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 05:48 pm
@hkhlcq,
It all comes down to style, using he kept says that this is something he has done before, it's practiced. Otherwise it could just be something that happened then and there without any thought or it could still mean it was something he'd done before and everything in between.. It's more vague, and really down to you what you want to convey.

I prefer keeping he kept, it tells the reader something about the character's habits and gives the sense of character development, but that's just me. It's all down to your own style and what you want to convey.
hkhlcq
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 06:05 pm
@izzythepush,
It helps a lot ! Thank you so much!
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