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Fri 18 Jan, 2019 08:54 am
Ok so we have been dating for 1.5 years now. we moved in together half a year ago. He's Korean and Im a student there so we decided to stay together since it was much easier, cheaper etc for both. We got new furniture and organized everything together, even adopted a cat. I had to leave home for a few months because of school. our relationship had a few hardships, nothing major tho, and we said goodbye lovingly, promissed to meet soon. (we had to go trogh this distance issue before and everything went perfect). I left 2 days ago. I barely even arrived and this dude started "cleaning" the house. he took all my stuff packed it in boxes and put it away in the other room that he uses for storage because "he doesnt need it". he moved the whole furniture around (looks like absolute ****) and when he started I told him I dont like it at all. he did not ask me or tell me he is putting my things in storage, just told me after. he informed me before leaving that he is moving the clothes and i said its ok. i specifically organized and made space when I left. I should remid you that I was supposed to return in a couple of mnths and I was sure ill have my stuff nicely waiting for me home. he even writes me letters before i leave about how empty the house will be bla bla and how he's sorry about this and that. anyway i get annoyed when I see what he did in the house, I tell him its not ok,its my house too, he can't just move other people's stuff just cuz they are in the way. he put a bunch of books that were already all displayed there instead of my stuff that literally took up one space of the bookshelf. books that he never touches. just so he can "look at them". anyway I explain that I dont like this at all, that it doesnt feel like home to me, that I dont feel welcome in a place where he doesn't fit my stuff , I will return to a house that I dont recognize and to my things packed up.If i wanted to pack and unpack I would have sent them home and back there again but i left them because I need them. and mind you I left some valuable stuff in there that is very important to me. he even cleared out the top of the shelf where i displayed our pics and cute gifts and stuff. to put his damn books. he doesnt understand what he did wrong, telling me im crazy and went to sleep. this morning decided to ignore me and probably went to drink with work mates while in the middle of the fight today. he just decided to ignore me and do whatever the hell he wants (not the 1st time) leaving me to talk to myself. its been about 6h at this point and its midnight there. no idea what this dude is doing but i have never been so furious. we had fights before and one thing he knows i hate most in the world is being ignored. i am on the verge of blocking him everywhere and being done with his crap.
Ever hear of the old adage: "Out of sight, out of mind."?
That's what happened.
Hope you aren't on the lease, mortgage, or whatever financial obligation you have, since it really sounds like it's over.
@t95,
You'll be gone for a few months. Why does it matter how he decorates while you're gone? I'd see being upset if he threw your stuff out but decorating? not such a deal-breaker. Given what he's done, it would seem he didn't like how things were arranged when you both organized together. Ask him if you'll both be redecorating when you get back?
Again, how it's set up while you're not there shouldn't be an issue (IMNSHO) as long as you can both work on redecorating in a way that makes both of you happy when you return.
Stop talking about it for a couple of days.
@t95,
t95 wrote:and put it away in the other room that he uses for storage because "he doesnt need it"
he's right
Quote: he moved the whole furniture around (looks like absolute ****) and when he started I told him I dont like it at all.
you're not there so it doesn't matter what you think about how it looks
Quote:anyway i get annoyed when I see what he did in the house
is this really a hill you want to die on? you're not there. let him have the place the way he prefers it.
you do realize that this is more than a small hint that he didn't like the way it was set up - did you take his decorating/organizing ideas on board when you moved in together?
Quote:
he doesnt understand what he did wrong, telling me im crazy
I'm with him on this (based on your reporting)
Quote:leaving me to talk to myself. its been about 6h at this point
and one thing he knows i hate most in the world is being ignored.
i am on the verge of blocking him everywhere and being done with his crap.
so stop talking to yourself
move on with your current life
chill out
this is really not a big deal (again - based on your OP)
@PUNKEY,
I'm sorry but out of sight out of mind doesnt happen in 1 day. i told u I left literally 1 day before and absolutely nothing was wrong. besides it is the 2nd time it happend. from your answer i can tell you obs didnt read. we are a couple not married, no one bought anything its arented place🤦‍♀️
@ehBeth,
its not about decorating 🤦‍♀️ its about putting my stuff in storage and doing everything without asking/ telling. seems like u also dont get it. imagine this, your partner removes all your belonging from the living area to boxes while on a business trip or your mom takes donw all the stuff in your room while gone for college. you go back to nothing. I didn't decorate the entire house myself when I came, we decided what to do together and he didnt complain. the one thing he wanted and i didnt was putting his pc in the bedroom but i didnt want that bc he plays video games loudly till 4am. and he told me hell move that to which I agreed. its the fact that its OUR place not his alone to simply decide what to do. its not a hint to not liking the setup its a hint to not liking my stuff around which was nothing more than a shelf full of books some cds and my makeup and our presents that we gifted to eachother. and its big enough to get us fighting to the point where we are breaking up over it. he disappeared in the middle of a conversation knowing that i absolutely hate that which obvs made it worse. to you it might not be a big deal, to me a guy who ignores me when fighting and backing up and running away at each fight and avoiding confrontation is a big deal. not to mention he does it during a very important period of my life while I am extremly stressed as is and thinking of nothing but himself. on top of that, the day after i peacefully leave and he promises he'll take the time to be a better man.
@t95,
You're not fighting, you're whining. And he simply doesn't have to listen to it. SIX HOURS later, you're still going off. Even jumped on the internet to whine some more.
Look, if this is the hill to break the relationship, then own it and move on. Personally, I think he's much better off at this point.
@t95,
sounds like he'd be best off if you break things off and ask to have your things sent to you
@t95,
t95 wrote: imagine this, your mom takes donw all the stuff in your room while gone for college
as it should be.
my mother took down the wall between the living room and my bedroom the day after I left for university. I was gone. She moved on with things.
@t95,
t95 wrote: and thinking of nothing but himself
who are you thinking about when you make a fuss about how a place you don't live in is set up?
“besides it is the 2nd time it happened. “
What happened before?
@t95,
Guys dint have any subtleties in their makeups like women. There are jut a few things we think of . Jever think that he may host some parties and doesnt want your stuff taken or messed with?
Of course he may wish to remove your traces for the interim (perhaps hes going to host some other ladies??).
OR, maybe hes just dense enough not to have even thought taht youd be pissed with this at all .
I see US commercials where a husband goes out and buys a house and "surprises the wife with it" .
That guy deserves to be killed.
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