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sick of it

 
 
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2019 08:08 am
so sick of being in this relationship but idk how to leave. we have 5 kids oldest 7. he used to be a drunk and be super rude to me he quit 6 months ago. I thought maybe it would bring us closer and we could finally be a happy couple. I was wrong. since he quit now all he does is sit and play video games. we barely have sex maybe once a week or 2 weeks sometimes once a month. says its not cuz of me yet I catch him watching porn. we never talk we never hang out together we sleep in separate places ive begged him for a month to watch a movie with me when kids are in bed so I just gave up on that idea now I just sit here while he sleeps and im up with the kids wishing he would just go away. im sick of no help im sick of feeling not good enough im sick of being lonely all the ******* time. im at the point now I just hate him. he knows how I feel but doesn't care so why is he here? just to torture me I want out I have no love for him hes broken my heart too many times. its worse now when he was drinking atleast then hed pay attention to me and want me around him now hes sober and I guess im just a piece of **** to him now no matter how many times I cry and say how I feel nothing ever comes from it. I just want to be appreciated and loved and feel like im the only one for him instead I feel like if he had the chance hed cheat on me I feel he doesn't think im attractive or important or anything. hell never change and if I don't leave now ill be ruined forever.
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jespah
 
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Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2019 08:53 am
@kelsiev79,
Get on birth control if you're not already on it. Having a 6th kid under the age of 8 is not going to help you leave.

Because yes, you should leave. Both you and your kids will be far, far better off. But you need a plan. You don't need to answer my questions below online -- rather, you should be asking yourself those questions.

So start thinking of what needs to be done. Do you/can you work? Are any of your kids special needs/disabled? These things will make a difference in terms of any government assistance you can get.

Do you have family you can go to, even if it's just temporary, and even if it's as far away as a plane ride? Are you a member of any local church or other house of worship which might be able to offer some aid?

Do you have friends or neighbors who can help, even if it's just to take the kids for an afternoon so you can do things like investigate where to get a lawyer or a mediator, or just to open a separate bank account? Spend days like that lining up your ducks, whether it's making phone calls or printing off resumes or Googling shelters.

You can do this.
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