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Affair as I needed sex

 
 
Cleo70
 
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 01:21 pm
Been married 16 years, together 18 years. Husband literally stopped sex with me when our daughter was born. I should add I am 20 years younger than him, attractive, and a professional. He is a workaholic, but works nearly all from home, does not travel, is a good father and provider. For 14 years I just accepted it. NEVER dreamed of straying. He is NOT having an affair, and has/ had a lot of serious medical issues so can’t even have sex any longer. He is perfectly content it seems to just live life as if this is a healthy marriage. I have been seeing a single dad for two years now, and the sex is good. I get away when I can, and we see each other during the week due to our kids’ mutual activities at school etc. He wants to be together all the time. I am content I guess getting sex and attention from him, and staying married. Maybe my husband knows, but he is the type of person who would rather keep up appearances so never hints at anything. We do not sleep together but have had separate rooms for years. Anyone else in this position, where they want regular sex and cannot get it from a spouse but otherwise are complacent about staying married? I cannot see how financially divorce makes any sense. And yes, I complained for YEARS about him not touching me or being romantic after our child was born. I am in great shape and always was, so not like I let myself go after the baby. I just believe he is and was very embarrassed about his impotence and stopped trying. Thank you for whatever input you have, and it is fine to slam me for being unfaithful to him! I have asked if we should just divorce and he told me that “would be selfish and cruel” to our child. I truly wish he would DIVORCE me!
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 117 • Replies: 5
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 01:34 pm
@Cleo70,
Then divorce him.

Don't be passive. If this is what you want, then do it. BTW, your child is well aware there are problems in your marriage, even if you've said nothing. Truth is, she'll probably be relieved if you two call it quits.
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 01:53 pm
@Cleo70,
The other option is an open marriage... you can be honest with your husband that you need sex and are sleeping with other people. If it makes sense financially to stay married, you can be honest about it.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 02:05 pm
Are you snuggling, kissing, hugging, touching or ANY physical contact with you husband in your home?

If not, then that is the model your child sees, and that is more cruel than anything else your husband can think of.
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Cleo70
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 02:58 pm
Thank you all for these thoughtful replies.

No, he would not go for an open marriage, and has made it clear he will make things financially very hard on me.

There are no overt gestures of love or affection, and certainly I realize the role model I have sadly become by simply staying married.

I do not however feel that a child living in two homes is a better life. Just my opinion. Thank you all. I know ending the affair is what should be done but sheesh, going without sex ever again depresses me too.
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 03:15 pm
@Cleo70,
Well, it bothers you enough to come here and ask for opinions.

Frankly, despite being medically impotent, your husband has many other options to satisfy you, had he any intention to do so. Not being affectionate or show his love for you is a definite indication that he has no interest in you other than being the mother of his child.

You only live once, we all don't get a second chance of re-living and if I were in this loveless marriage without affection or love, I'd end it. There are more important things in life than money. Depending on how old your daughter is, your husband will need to pay child support regardless of his threats to withhold money from you.

Everyone has a responsibility in a marriage and if one doesn't uphold their end of the deal, all bets are off.

Good luck to you!
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