Why didnt he leave me if he wasnt happy??

Well of course!!! - he was CHASING her - that takes a lot of energy. Energy that should have been focused on this rocky marriage.

Decide if you are going to work with him to get this marriage back on track. Make an effort, if you both do. Go to counseling to find out why this happened. Both need to accept responsiblity for the marriage.

Counseling helps. If you decide to separate, then at least you will have tried and learned some things on the way. Marriages DO get thru things like this, but you can't keep fanning the flames of blame, hurt and unfocused questions.

Drop the "why me" and replace it with "why not us"

I have been trying to focus os "us", but it brings me back to why he didnt put so much energy into us like he did her. His reason is because I worked so much and neglected my wife duties. He wants to go to counseling, but I dont know if that will resolve anything because I dont know if he will be completely honest. We have 4 kids and one on the way and I feel like I haven't left due to that fact, but I dont want the reason I stay in an unhappy marriage because of kids. I want to drop the why me, but its hard not to ask myself why!!

Go to counseling!

If he isn’t truthful, that’s a good place to confront him.

For your children, do what you can to understand what happened.

counselling is sometimes the healthiest way to end a marriage

go. it will help both of you figure out whether it is worth continuing the marital relationship. there is very little upside to children living with parents in an unhappy marriage

Men aren't truthful regardless of where they are regardless until they feel ready to be honest and even then it's hard to say if they are telling the truth. I will think about going and see. Thanks!

I dont want to stay for the children if it is truly over, but it's going to be hard as hell raising 5 alone and 4 under 5. I will think about the counseling and maybe it will give me insight into what exactly went wrong and if it's worth fixing.

It is only up to you. You can listen to our advica, but it is better to listent to your heart ....