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Sun 4 Nov, 2018 06:17 pm
Hi all, I am married now for 6 years been with him for 12 years, and dated in high school. When we first got together, he wasn't really working he was in San Diego, drinking and partying. I had a great job at for 6 years, and I flew him to see me every weekend. (sex was important back then) He ended up moving with me, and my job had moved me, so we go an apt at the place my job moved me. I was the bread winner, for well over a year, while he, watched tv, didn't do chores much and drank, but always had dinner ready for me as I got of late, as well as my breakfast. He had a hupty car, and a bag of clothes and 1 toolbox, that he brought with him. i wont get into all the in between, but, I had annuity, and my grandmother gave, me the money so we could get our own place and move closer, over 55,000 dollars. well, i was on Unemployment , because I lost my aswome job, due to all the friction with us. he was doing odd , jobs,long story short we, lost our home, and moved in with his mother, as she needed care, so I became her caregiver, longing for my other job, back i loved so much, I one day get a call to come back, I tool it , I was so thrilled. I was commuting 2.5 hours each way a day. That was hard, so we needed to move, near my job, my husband refused, as we lived thre before, so then my work offered me to open up a new office, down south, and I discussed it with my husband,and he agreed, close to two weeks of me supposing to being moving there, he refused to go. I was devistrained, as I knew my chose would have to be him, or my job. I chose him. Things got pretty harsh, law involved, very ugly, i was nt bring in money. He was paying periodically my car 200.00 and once in a while my storage of 200. periodically isn't enough as our payments are monthly, so I am left to figure out ways to get my money, my annuity dry. We were to pay his mother 500 plus bills a month to LIVE IN A GARAGE., in the summer 200 degrees, winter, its below 00 The moral of this story, is, he feels he helps me and is resentful, because i have no sex drive, and dont pay him back as he wants, I am resentful, because I married him for better or for worse, and to be made to feel like my worth is based on the sex, or that his measly bone here throws me for my bills, is taking care of me, I am so in disbelief, so I told him lets hear what the public says, here I am. also I was hit head on three weeks ago, and he has not helped me with a single thing, I am drowning in bills, anad it's a fight of a lifetime to get him to pay less then 500 for my bills right now, knowing I have a settlement coming
@mykamay1234,
Your marriage is ending. You are almost certainly going to have a divorce. The best thing to do is to accept that your marriage has failed, and figure out how to move on. I didn't see anything in your post about kids, if you don't have them it makes divorce significantly easier.
In a divorce, assigning blame is almost always a useless exercise. My advice... skip the process of arguing over who is at fault. It causes more pain for both of you and doesn't achieve anything for either of you.
Your goal should be figuring out how to end the marriage with as little pain as possible. You are leaving him and the relationship is ending, so end it. There is no point in telling him how angry you are (that would be continuing the relationship). Tell the friends who can support you. Hurting him only hurts yourself... just detach, lick your own wounds and move on with your life.
If I am wrong about divorce.... my advice is still the same.
There is no benefit whatsoever to assigning blame. If you guys both decide that the marriage is worth saving, then you need to focus on supporting each other and meeting each other's needs rather than trying to blame the other person for all of the problems.
A healthy relationship is two people focusing on solving problems, not on assigning blame. A good divorce is two people getting out of a marriage to move on with separate lives. Assigning blame is meaningless in either case.
@maxdancona,
In a divorce with no kids involved, the only task is to divide up the property and the money. Deal with your emotions with your friends, the legal part of the divorce should be without emotions.
The more fair you and your ex-husband can be, the better for the both of you. It is difficult because both people always feel they are getting cheated. But, if you can work together you can take money from your common enemy-- the IRS, and avoid paying tens of thousands of dollars to lawyers (rather than just dividing it).
The best way (in my opinion) is to pay a arbitrator... this is a person who represents both of you. For this to work both people need to see the other as reasonable.
The second best way is for you to get a lawyer, for your ex-husband to get a lawyer and let them work it out. You need to realize that both of you are going to be hurt and feel cheated... but this is the best way. The lawyers can help keep the emotional bullshit from happening. The best outcome is for you to get this over with as little damage as possible to either of you.
wow, thank, you, I was asking if you agreed with him or not, and you all saw the same exact thing, AMAZING, I truly do respect your opinions, thank you! My only problem is, is I do not have a dollar to my name, until my settlement,any ideas? No friends, I lost those when we got together.
@edgarblythe,
thank you, I do have a question, if one spouse is working making good money, and were to divorce, but I can not leave, because of the money, can I have a lawyer demand he help me get a place?
@mykamay1234,
You should talk to a divorce lawyer. As you are married, you may have the right to half of the money (only a lawyer can tell you this for sure).
Talk to a lawyer.
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