@Heartbrokengirl,
Heartbrokengirl wrote:you can’t help you feel?
is that a question?
I think you may not be able to help how you feel but you can definitely make decisions about your actions following on those feelings.
You chose to have an affair with someone who is not available to you. You knew that when you went into the relationship. Nothing tricky or complicated about that.
What have you been doing with yourself outside of the affair? did your other friendships/relationships continue? did you stay focused on your work/education?
Face the rest of your life. You may decide to continue with the affair, but please don't let it stop you from living life. Travel, learn, go out with friends.