@Bigdakaderricks,
Bigdakaderricks wrote:
Hey guys I really would appreciate any advice on this! I was with my ex fiance for about 2 years. We bought a house together we each had a kid we were gonna get married and do the whole family thing and live happily ever after but we had some issues and one of our major problems was the fact that she is a very passive and non confrontational person and unfortunately for her, her ex husband took advantage of this and bullied her when it came to matters concerning their daughter so. basically me and her got along great but he caused us a lot of issues as he was trying to run my household. A lot of women dont understand how important respect is to a man and there were ways I felt she allowed him to disrespect me because she wouldnt put him in his place etc anyways we had other issues as well but then again who doesnt?? It was nothing major but long story short the continued issues that kept popping up with her ex drove me to the point where I has to reevaluate and I felt like it just wasnt something I wanted to put up with for the next 12 years (their kid being 6) like I said there are other issues we had but I'm trying to get to the point here without boring you to death. I ended the relationship and she was devastated she begged for a chance to fix the very things I had been complaining about for the duration of the 2 yr stint but it was simply too late my mind was made up. Fast forward a few months later I've dated again and so has she and we got back on good terms as friends it's been a year since we have split up and at some point during that year a lot of things were revealed to me. I realized that I made big mistake and a missed my best friend and I felt like I shouldnt have been so quick to throw in the towel the differences we had werent anything that a little counseling and prayer couldnt have given me the strength to stick with it and tough it out and work things out. I've tried to get her back I've apologized profusely for hurting her and giving up so quickly she still loves me but she is terrified to try again in fear of me leaving her again. I have given her space and I've given her time but I truly do believe she is the one for me any advice on how I can try to win her back and get her to trust me again? Do you think she should even take a chance on me?
The simple but confusing fact is that relationships never truly end. This is because every relationship has a psychological/emotional component that remains intact after people have physically/symbolically separated by breaking up, getting divorced, moving to separate residences/places, etc. Inside, we still remember each other so we still have relationships. We avoid each other and manage our contact because of these memories. When we encounter new people, we manage our interactions with them according to the same logics we have established through the relationship experiences we have had in our lives. So really who we are is our relationships/memories, and how we interact with people or avoid interacting with them is what our relationships become.
So you don't really have to "get your ex back" to maintain your relationship with her. It is what it is. If what you're wondering is whether and how to live together again, that will only happen when/if you reach a point in your relationship where you have no reason to live separately. As long as there are memories within each of you that see any benefit in living separately, you will continue to do so. When people negate the memories that impel them to live separately, they are setting themselves up for another round of drama that leads to separation.
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