Lie unfolds 8 years Later

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Last weekend as I was going through old photos on our desktop computer I came across photos from a work Vegas trip my husband attended 8 years ago (we were dating for 5 years at that time). The photos contained him and another woman whom I had never seen in my life. The photos were of them in an exotic car, shopping, having dinner and at a club. I was completely devastated. I recall when he got home from that trip asking who took photos of him and the car and he advised people off the street. I naively believed him as I have always had complete trust in him. Well that was an obvious lie! I immediately questioned him and he advised that he ran into an acquaintance (a waitress from a restaurant he frequented at the time) in the hotel lobby and they spent the day together and swears up and down that nothing happened. I don't know what to believe and am more disturbed that he thought it was ok to spend a day with a woman and not mention this to me. If he had told me this at that time I would have probably left him as I zero tolerance for this type of behavior (cheating or no cheating). We have been together for 14 years (married for 4) and have never had a situation like this. We have always had a great, strong and healthy relationship. I am in complete shambles over this and am now questioning our entire relationship. I can't believe he would lie to my face all those years ago and betray me like this. I do not know if I can ever trust him completely again. I have arranged for us to see a marriage counselor next week as I do not know how to cope with this. What do you all think? Am I overreacting? I can't talk to any of my friends or family about this as I am completely embarrassed. I am so lost....

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@Lost22,

First off, you have no reason to feel embarrassed. You have not done anything wrong.

Moving on to your husband, perhaps nothing occurred with the woman. It may seem he spent too much time with her on that day; and you clearly believe he did. More would needed in the way of information regarding what his prior relationship with her was. If they were just "acquaintances" as he claims or if they had ever dated. Has he said where he knew her from? That aside, it is odd that he never mentioned the meeting her while or on his work related trip. Just happening to run into someone from the past, with or without a romantic past, is something I would mention just because of the rarity of such a thing. Then again, maybe it was nothing to him and he saw no reason or need to mention it.

It's good that you have already arranged for counseling. That may well help clear things up and no matter what, help direct you in which direction you choose to proceed.

I wish you the best, and again remind you, there is no reason for you to feel embarrassed. Now breathe deep, and do something to take your mind off of this for a little while.

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@Lost22,

Lost22 wrote:

am more disturbed that he thought it was ok to spend a day with a woman and not mention this to me. If he had told me this at that time I would have probably left him as I zero tolerance for this type of behavior (cheating or no cheating).

get counselling for yourself

(and listen to Sturgis, he's a nice guy)

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After eight years, and you not seeing anything else going on with him and another woman, why is this at the forefront of your relationship and making you anxious?

Some women might laugh at it after all this time, others would ignore it.

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@Lost22,

Lost22 wrote:

.... zero tolerance for this type of behavior (cheating or no cheating). ....

This isn't your kid and drugs; this is a grownup spending some time with another grownup.

The real problem is that he didn't tell you. And he didn't because he knew you'd react this way, even if he was a perfect gentleman.

You do realize there are people out there who would deliberately do something -- even if they didn't originally intend to -- because the consequences would be the same, cheating or not, so ya might as well have some fun if it's going to be the exact same result either way.

FYI men and women can spend time together, even hours, and nothing sexual has to happen. Really. Those people exist.

Glad you're getting counseling.

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