I can’t eat and feel sick all the time since meeting a girl

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I’ve never posted anything about my feelings before but I don’t know what to do and looking for advice. I started climbing a few months ago as it was something I’ve always wanted to do but always put it off. Since starting I’ve been climbing with a girl and I’ve started having feelings towards her, so bad to the point that I can’t eat, feel and been sick and I can’t get her out of my head.

We started chatting on WhatsApp when not climbing which was a bit flirty in parts which eventually made me say that I have feelings for her and she said she had feelings for me too.

I feel so ashamed of how I’m feeling as I’m a 35 year old man that been in a relationship with a woman for 11 years who has bent over backwards for me, but I can’t stop thinking about this girl. What makes this worse is that she’s younger than me and suffers from anxiety and depression so I feel that I’m taking advantage of her when It’s not what I’m trying to do.

I’ve never felt like this before about a woman and don’t know what to do, I’ve been unhappy in my relationship for years but never dared to do or say anything.

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@Cable,

Cable wrote:

aI’ve been unhappy in my relationship for years but never dared to do or say anything.

I'd say it's time to get this sorted out. Either decide that you're ending the old relationship or get to work fixing it.

Talk to your current relationship partner and get things started there.

The reality is that sometimes it takes the excitement/beauty/fun of a potential relationship to deal with old/bad relationships.

__

Have you promised anything relationship-wise to the young woman? if not, no harm no foul. Flirting is ok as long as everyone understands that it is simply that - flirting.

If necessary, clarify this with your climbing friend. Tell her the truth. You are in a long-term relationship. Full stop.

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@ehBeth,

I’ve told the woman at climbing everything when we started climbing together so she knows I’m with someone, I had no idea at the time I was going to feel something for her. I’ve not made any promises either but I did say that I had feelings for her.

I just don’t know how to even start a conversation with my current partner as I know it’ll crush her.

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How is it that you are unhappy in a relationship with a woman who has “ bent over backwards” to do things for you?

Be careful you don’t do something you will be sorry for later.

I don’t think you are love- sick. I think you are scared and feel guilty.

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@PUNKEY,

You might be right about the guilty feeling, but why am I feeling and being sick when I think of this other girl?

I shouldn’t be unhappy, but our relationship hasn’t been great over the last year or so. We haven’t had sex, we hardly talk to each other and we tend to do things apart.

My partner is 50 and I’m 35, I think we want differently things in life now, I’ve always been someone that likes doing stuff outdoors whereas my partner likes to stay in and watch TV and I’ve never been a TV person. I always thought the age gap wouldn’t be a problem but I’m starting to think it is.

My partner has said on numerous occasions that I should go and find a younger model in jest and I usually just laugh it off. I do have to stress that I will never cheat on her as I don’t want to disrespect her and the other girl too.

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@Cable,

That's a big gap. And she's not going to go climbing with you now or in the future, I'd bet.

You need to figure out this relationship. The fact that you are attracted to someone who likes doing the one thing that you like says a lot.

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@Cable,

Cable wrote:

I’ve not made any promises either but I did say that I had feelings for her.

you're going to have to back away from this woman until things are sorted/ended with your partner. anything else would be cruel to everyone involved.

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@Cable,

Cable wrote:

I just don’t know how to even start a conversation with my current partner as I know it’ll crush her.

you need to tell your current partner that the relationship is not going well and that you will both need to go to counselling.

the counselling could lead to a relationship fix or a relationship end. in either case, you seem to communicate so poorly that the counsellor will need to help with that.

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@Cable,

Cable wrote:

I shouldn’t be unhappy, but our relationship hasn’t been great over the last year or so. We haven’t had sex, we hardly talk to each other and we tend to do things apart.

My partner is 50 and I’m 35, I think we want differently things in life now, I’ve always been someone that likes doing stuff outdoors whereas my partner likes to stay in and watch TV and I’ve never been a TV person. I always thought the age gap wouldn’t be a problem but I’m starting to think it is.

I do have to stress that I will never cheat on her as I don’t want to disrespect her and the other girl too.

the age thing isn't the problem

the problem is that you don't share interests, don't seem to like each other - and don't communicate well

time to set up counselling, together as well as separately

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@Cable,

Cable wrote:

I just don’t know how to even start a conversation with my current partner as I know it’ll crush her.

you'll be doing her a favour by setting her free to find someone more appropriate - someone who shares interests with her - someone to enjoy sex with

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I've spoken with my partner about how I'm feeling about our relationship and we are trying make things better but I think time will tell. I just think we don't have any common interests and because its only me and her left in the house now as all the children have grown up and moved out its left a huge gap.

The girl at climbing has confused me a lot over the last week because after she said that she liked me and said that she would struggle to keep her hands off me she has now dropped all communication and has stopped going climbing too, so this may be a blessing in disguise but I still struggle to get her out of my head and I don't understand why she said all those things and then disappears.

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