Help With Unusual Hair Type

Ok, so to begin with, I'm growing out my hair. It was long last year, about halfway down my back. Due to a hair styling accident that left it beyond repair, I shaved it off at the sides into a VERY SHORT girl version of the military fade. Actually though, it was the first time in my life I ever got complements on my hair... like, all the time. But my husband likes long hair, so I'm growing it back out for him. And here's the problem. I know what's coming, and if I can care for my hair differently this time, maybe I can fix whatever made it so unruly before... right?

So... to begin with, I'm white with some Irish/Scottish/Welsh heritage and otherwise unknown European ethnicities (since ethnicity can influence hair type - and yes, Europe has over a dozen native ethnicities). I only took the maternal DNA test, not the full one, which would have been more helpful here.
And my hair is thick. Thick as in I've been turned away from hair salons a couple of times, with the stylists literally saying they didnt know how to style hair as thick and wavy as mine. I've never found a stylist in 30 years who didnt start cutting and ruin my hair after getting overwhelmed. My hair is so thick that when long, it sticks up and out to the edges of my shoulders like an afro wig - but not a cute, stylish fro; just HUGE auburn hair. Thick as in, I gave up on getting it professionally thinned after my mid-20's and started sectioning off rows of hair and cutting the rows about 3 inches long with a pair of scissors, just to relieve some of the weight. I filled up a bathroom trashcan to the top, and when I let my hair down, no one ever knew I had butchered 4 1/2-inch rows of hair underneath. That's the closest it ever got to a normal thickness. True story ladies...
I heard of something called 180% hair thickness, but when I went to look it up all I found were wigs. My hair certainly appears that thick, but I couldn't find any examples of people with that hair naturally.

And the waves are very odd. After looking it up, I now know I have combination hair. The bottom layer behind my ears and neck is almost straight, while the bulk of the hair is made of a combo of loose beach waves, plus some almost-curls, plus these really wierd, HUGE waves at the top layer (think of the 3-4 inches on either side of your part if you part you hair in the middle).
The odd waves are the most visible becaust they're on top layer of hair and around my forehead, and they are totally untamable.
Now that my hair is so short (an inch on the sides, and 2-3 inches on top), I can see that the hair around my forehead sticks straight out/forward. When it's long, this section of hair turns into a wave that goes down, then curls/waves back out so that it sticks straight out and up at an angle like a bad "S." Other waves in my hair flip out like this also, and the handful of wave bumps are in odd places on the sides of my head that arent flattering, mostly because not all of my hair is wavy. These are waves as big as the ones you hope for with a Blowout style, but they face the wrong direcrion. Are these cowlicks??? I've tried straightening and curling them, but they're style resistant and wont hold either way.

Since I mentioned possible ethnic influences above, my brother and dad both have this exact hair type, except that my entire paternal family is blond haired, blue-eyed, with auburn facial hair and some natural strawberry blond hair. Big, heavyset, fair skinned people. I have never done a DNA test but they are certainly from somewhere specific for it to run through the entire family. My hair is only brown because of my grandmother, who has given all her granddaughters brown hair with deep auburn undertones do to her Irish/Scottish ancestry. Maybe my problems are due to this and someone on this forum can recognize it from their own culture to offer tips? Just a thought I have had since learning how these things can affect a person's looks. But it's only an idea bouncing around in my head as I search for solutions -- it could be something else entirely that I'm just missing.

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Hair type/details:
My hair isnt stiff and hard like you'd expect with too much protein (at least, not to me), nor is it kinky, except a few individual strands at the top. It's actually very soft and healthy feeling, though it certainly doesnt look it.. I do use coconut and Silk protein masks once a week for it and other products geared toward low porosity, frizzy hair. They have done wonders for the way my hair feels, but absolutely nothing for the texture/behavior of it.
I'm not sure how thick the actual strands are, but they're easy to see.
When I run my fingers down a strand, it's smooth, meaning that the hair cuticle is more closed and needs thinner conditioners like coconut milk, correct? I did the test where I put a strand into some water, and it floated, which supposedly means it's low porosity - if that really works.

While my hair does collect frizz, it's hard to use products on it because (A) it's too thick and takes forever just to get the product in, let alone the amount I have to use; and (B) because it turns greasy no matter what I put in it - everything just sits on top and gets gunky or crunchy.
Plus for some reason gels, mouses, etc tend to exadurate my crazy wave problem so they kind up even more at these wierd angles and look ridiculous like something out of a movie. The few products that dont sit on top of my hair are so lightweight that they dont control it at all.

I am trying to think of anything else to go with it, but it has been a while since it was long. My hair started doing this in early teens and has been that way for about 15 years now. Ever since the first time I tried to get it cut short and layered (my first haircut was in middle school). Also, I have a history of dying my hair a lot and using straighteners, but I have gotten enough haircuts over the years that any of that damage should have been gone long ago before my hair really grew out prior to cutting it this last time. Thanks in advance.
Since that one haircut, no matter how long it gets it will not act right. When my hair is down past my bra strap, it still does all of this. The common advice of letting your hair grow out to weigh it down does not help.

Has anyone ever experienced hair like this, and how did you fix it? Because I'm tired of stylus around town telling me that they have experience with wavy hair when my hair is not the typical consistent wavy texture that they are used to dealing with. I would like to grow it out healthier this time, if that is the problem. And maybe do some things with it now while it is still short so that while it is growing it will be easier to manage when it's long.