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Sat 11 Aug, 2018 02:18 pm
Hello,
I am an executive (in 30s) who has been very career driven. I am married with a beautiful wife and 3 kids who I love very very much. I recently hired an assistant who was highly qualified, experienced and very beautiful. I had good looking assistants in the past but there was something special about this one. We clicked instantly. Many, many lunch meetings (1 on 1) and 'going for drinks' later I realized that I have developed very strong feelings towards her.
She has a boyfriend who she has been living with for the last 5 years. One day I told her about my feelings for her. Initially she said she doesn't feel the same way but a couple of days later admitted that the feelings are mutual but nothing can ever happen between us because I am married and she is with someone she loves. The lunches and drinks continue and nothing physical has happened between us except for feeling each other out. She says she loves what we have and whatever physical has happened between us so far is killing her because of guilt. She loves her boyfriend and nothing can happen between us. She says loves me and can't imagine her life without me but as hard as it is she can't be with me. She spends hours with me in my office just chatting and she wants to keep things that way.
It is frustrating for me to see her everyday and talk to her and just be friends. I don't attracted to women except my wife -- I see her as it for me, but for whatever reason this assistant of mine I am crazy about. It drives me crazy that I can't have her -- I literally can't stop thinking about her. She says it is the same for her but she can't do anything so she suppresses everything.
I know cheating is wrong and that this has the potential to ruin my career. I have thought about all the moral issues here, but what I really want to know is where do I go from here. I love having her in my life and she is the best assistant I have ever had (work wise). She gives me a boost of energy to fight every day but towards the end every time I am with her it kills me to know that I can't be with her. I need help guys -- I am out of answers. Besides quitting this amazing job and completely detaching myself from her, I don't know what to do. I want her -- I feel my happiness lies there but I will not leave my wife either. I am in love with two women. Again, I understand how wrong this is morally but this is what I am feeling. I need sound advice. Thank you.
@knightrider2019,
Help this "amazing" assistant find another job. Put in an excellent word for her. Pull strings. Call in favors if you have to.
And once she's gone, lose her number and block her on all forms of social media.
And have a chat with a therapist about how you almost destroyed your life and also skirted the line of sexual harassment.
You are in a position of power and privilege. At least use it for some good here and not for selfish purposes.
Stop beating yourself up over crushing on this girl. It happens, and it will happen again.
But put it into its place.
You need to take your wife on a sexy weekend - alone, without the kids. Re-
connect.
Then you REALLY need to transfer this crush girl out of your office. Or you transfer. That’s the reality of it all.