Advice regarding custody??

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I have a 3 year old little boy and about 2 months ago his dad tried to abandon him when he had parental responsibility for him to try to commit suicide. (His mum stopped him from leaving and he undertook therapy for a month) Despite this I figured it was in his and my son's best interests to keep their relationship going, so I took them on supervised days out every week. I have also told his dad that my door is always open for him to come round and see his son. However after 2 of these days out he then refused to get in touch with me and hasn't bothered seeing his son since or even asking after him. He is back at work and going on nights out etc and has been discharged from the mental health team but appears to have completely turned his back on his son despite my efforts to keep their relationship going. My heart is broken for my son. Would you advise going for full custody to be on the safe side? Where do I go from here? Thanks in advance!

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@EKMfox,

Perhaps this man is feeling he is doing all he can to keep himself together and could not be responsible for a child at this time.

Make sure your child has healthy males around him - grandfather, uncles, friends, so he gets male attention.

That’s about all you can do. It’s that man’s loss, and the child does not have to define his world by the absence of his birth father.

Also, considering his mental state, I would continue supervised visitation.

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@EKMfox,

Let his father take some time to sort himself out.

He may recognize that he is not prepared to deal with the child at this time.

Is there anyone else in his family who would be a good temporary substitute visitor? connection to his paternal family may still be good.

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The man wanted to attempt suicide two months ago. That is very very recent.

Let your son's father (or his family) initiate contact.

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Keep very good records of dates of contact/attempted contact.

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Is there a rush to change the custodial arrangement for some reason?

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@PUNKEY,

Thank you for your response. I certainly wouldn't allow contact unsupervised but unfortunately he isn't showing interest full stop. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle to keep him involved in his son's life. Perhaps I should just count our losses and adapt to life without him.

I appreciate you getting back to me so quickly!

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@ehBeth,

Thank you for your response. I've been very supportive to him until he cut off contact. I guess if he was still struggling with day to day life I would be able to give him the benefit of the doubt but he's living his normal every day life just minus the child. I have never asked for him to be responsible for our son since the incident but do expect some level of presence in his life. He's socialising, working and dating but hasn't even asked how our kid is.

I don't want to rush into custodial action, I just don't know if it would be beneficial or not? I'd definitely leave it a good while to ensure this isn't just a blip that he'll regret, but if he does completely turn his back on our son I think full custody would be for the best.

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@EKMfox,

If you're not in a rush to change the arrangement I'd suggest just sitting tight with this for a while.

As I said, do maintain good records of contact.

Don't take on responsibility for your ex-partner's activities. If he wants to make contact, he can contact you. There is really no upside to you pushing this.

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