Child arrangement order pregnant with another child in meantime

I don't know what you mean by domestic abuse, do you mean physical violence? If so, you should have no problem getting a protection order. If not, you should work together with the father for the good of your son.

When I went through this process, my ex and I started fighting legally. We then decided to stop fighting for the good of our daughter. We negotiated a custody arrangement that included a strictly worded parenting plan.

I got Monday and Tuesday. She got Wednesday and Thursday and we alternated weekends (Friday - Sunday). The plan specified each holiday (I get Thanksgiving, she gets Christmas). The plan also has some other things that are important to one of us or the other (i.e. travel, and a prohibition on corporal punishment).

Funny thing.... after all the fighting and a little time had passed, we realized that it is easier to work together than to fight. My ex-wife would have a workshop on a weekend when she had my daughter. I said "no problem". Then I had a conference I wanted to go to and she said "no problem". Let me tell you, being single with a child is not so easy.

Having a good relationship with the father of your kid will make things easier for both of you.

Of course the real benefit to cooperating is to the child... no child wants to have parents who are fighting with each other.

Domestic abuse, controlling behaviour, physical abuse and mental abuse. He’s displayed unreasonable behaviour and I’ve had to resort to a restraining order which he has breached twice and has been charged. Despite all of this and police reports showing he has previously been accused of physical violence with an ex partner but sadly couldn’t be proven, my solicitor said because he’s not shown as a direct risk to the child he could still get 50/50 custody! Which under normal circumstances I would agree with as he’s OURS but I don’t believe it’s in his interest! And now this unplanned pregnancy has really come at a time that wasn’t expected!!!

I doubt if a judge will grant 50/50 custody for a two year old. But there will be visitation so your job is to find out where that will be. What kind of household will he provide when the child is with him.

Your pregnancy should have nothing to do with this custody issue unless that guy is living with you or will be visiting your home to see his child. You need to show the court that you have a stable home and have safe prople around you.

You sound like you are not in the US. You need a better solicitator - one who specializes in family legal issues.

Good luck.

If your solicitor is saying that your father isn't being viewed as risk to the child, then you are going to have to accept that. You have two choices, you can either work with the father of your child to reach an agreement that is fair to both of you, or you fight. If you can't win, it is time to start negotiating in good faith.

Someone who was charged for breaching a restraining order would certainly not be given custody in the US. I am having a little trouble understanding how that would happen. But it doesn't matter.

If you don't have the legal ability to prevent the father from getting custody, there is a time when you need to accept this and start doing what is best for your child. Fighting with his father is almost certainly not the best for your child.

No I am in the U.K., this is the only forum I could find for advice. I am not living with father of the unborn child. I’m 32 years old and only have one child. But I do feel somehow ashamed that this has happened. he’s breached twice and been charged however it is apparently not viewed as a danger to the child as the breaches were only contact emails, I have tried to be amicable to many times and have been extremely reasonable. He Hahahahaha as seeing our son three times a week but that wasn’t enough for him, it’s all about control, he will use the child as a weapon to get to me. He’s already stated he wants 50/50 because he then won’t have to pay child support! I just don’t want any risk that our son will end up living with him. I made poor choices and don’t want that for him.

The best thing for your child is for you and the father to work together. You fighting over your child does nothing but harm. If you and the father can share custody as adults, your child will be able to form healthy relationships with both of you. It is also good for you... the the child is with his father, you will have time for yourself.

A civil relationship between you and the father is the best thing for everyone. Instead, of figuring out how to work with the father of your child to make the situation work, you are going to war with him.

The legal system (which is objective) has decided that the father deserves to have equal custody. You need to start accepting this. Your arguments have apparently already been rejected by the court (or will be according to your solicitor). In a 50/50 custody arrangement neither parent has control, it is an arrangement of equality... by design. Accept this.

My advice is for you to start being responsible. Start accepting the situation. Make a list with your solicitor of things that are important to you that are legally possible. For example, it was very important to me that corporal punishment was not used with my daughter. That is in our legally enforceable parenting plan. There were a couple of religious things that were put into the plan by my ex-wife. I accepted them.

Lot's of people go through this. Emotions are always very high. Those of us who work through them for the good of the child involved end up with arrangements that are good for everyone involved.

It means letting go of the anger and deciding to be reasonable. It is not easy... but it is the best thing.