Why when I tried to cut her out she told me that we don't fit each other?

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I love a girl who is engaged, she seemed interested initiating conversations almost on daily basis for hours. She told me that she feels like she knew me long time ago, she even told that she knew that I am in love and that my eyes expose me. we knew each other for 3 months and that how it started.

Without getting into too many suffocating details, and there are many, after 2 months I confessed about how feel for her and she was surprised and when I asked her if she did not know, she said no although she told me 2 months ago that she knows implicitly. Then thing between us became ajar, she did not want me to tell her that I love her but she may get coy from flirt and after awhile she may flirt back. I got very attracted to her, I suffered much from this dither situation, having hope may be something would happen, why do I feel like this?, unable to understand if she loves him as she says, how she is like this with me (even if she calls it friends).

After one month I tried to cut her out of my life, she asked me why, I told her that I love her, she kept trying to convince me not to do so telling me that it is wrong, and that some people can not get married but can stay together, I asked her as friends?, she said yes, I told her over and over that I can't, unable to understand her persistence and the situation is already hard enough that I am leaving someone I don't want to leave. Eventually when she failed to change my mind she told me that even if she did not have a boyfriend, we didn't fit each other. I said nothing, I don't know why she said that, it was really painful, I was trying to do the right thing. If I meant anything to her why she did not say, if I did not mean anything to her, I am leaving anyway.

Leaving was the only thing left I had to make her understand that I love her, Why the dagger?

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@maged-93,

Seems to me that she likes you well enough as a guy friend, but not as a love interest. You, on the other hand, say you can't be friends, because you love her. And she eventually counters that you two are just not compatible as lovers.

Since she is engaged, it's clear she already has a love in her life. She also made it clear that she likes you well enough as a friend, but nothing more. If you can't hack that, it's probably best if you bow out, rather then keep a painful and awkward sort of friendship relation going.

As for the flirting, well, I wan't there, but can it just be that you choose to read something in her actions that just wasn't meant in that way?

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@maged-93,

It doesn't matter.

End your communications with her and block her on social media. She is going to be someone else's wife, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with toying with your feelings.

As for you, you're not innocent in this little drama, seeing as you were well aware she was engaged to someone else, yet you persisted.

Next time, find someone who isn't attached.

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@maged-93,

maged-93 wrote:

I love a girl who is engaged

full stop

1. if she is over the age of 15, she is a woman not a girl

2. she is engaged. she is not available for a relationship with you

3. move on

find a woman who is available for a relationship

do not maintain any contact with this engaged woman at this time

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@najmelliw,

"but can it just be that you choose to read something in her actions that just wasn't meant in that way? "
I wont mention more details that may indicate that or not, but please bear me as I am trying to understand here something it is hard for me to digest. For instance from what I said previously when a woman tells a guy that "she knows that he is in love and that she knows who he is in love with and she is asserting on it because it is clear in his eyes".
Is it a coincidence that she is telling that to me and it just happens that she is the one that I am in love with while she does not know anything about it?
Do you consider that as flirting or do I see things that don't exist because I love her ?

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@maged-93,

maged-93 wrote:

Do you consider that as flirting or do I see things that don't exist because I love her ?

it doesn't matter

she is engaged

she is in a serious relationship with someone else - NOT you

let it go

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@maged-93,

maged-93 wrote:

"but can it just be that you choose to read something in her actions that just wasn't meant in that way? "
I wont mention more details that may indicate that or not, but please bear me as I am trying to understand here something it is hard for me to digest. For instance from what I said previously when a woman tells a guy that "she knows that he is in love and that she knows who he is in love with and she is asserting on it because it is clear in his eyes".
Is it a coincidence that she is telling that to me and it just happens that she is the one that I am in love with while she does not know anything about it?
Do you consider that as flirting or do I see things that don't exist because I love her ?

I don't consider that to be flirting, no: but a lot depends on body language though in such situations. In the end, it boils down to this: you told her you loved her while she was engaged to someone else. She told you that this was not happening. When you kept on pushing, she even mentioned that you weren't compatible as lovers in her eyes anyways: that was the dagger remark in your question, and she made it sting because the gentle letdowns didn't seem to get across: she previously chose to commit herself to a relation with another, and she rebuffed you when you made your move.
Continuing on with this is pointless. Just accept the facts, and look for somebody else.

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@najmelliw,

Why do you make it looks like that I was imposing myself on her?
I am the one who cut her out, I did that the only thing she should have done, I did all the work for her.
If I was "pushing", yes may be I tried but because she let me if not encouraged me.
"and she made it sting because the gentle letdowns didn't seem to get across"
Have mercy on me, I did not shot her, I fond of her. So letdowns to get across is our first priority here ! not the pain I have been through, not that someone had loved her that much, not that I love her and although that she wanted me to stay, letting alone her situation with the man she should be committed to, as you say, but you concluded that its all for the sake of the letdown to get across, very enlightening.
Anyway thank you I will take your advise and let it go, I don't know how but Its my mess that I will have to clean.

PS. if it happened and you get to know that your woman told another man that "she knows that he is in love and that she knows who he is in love with and she is asserting on it because it is clear in his eyes". I wish you would take your advice and ask about her body language then before consider it as flirt.

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What did she mean that you two are not a good "fit"?

Is this a social caste thing or due to religion?

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

What did she mean that you two are not a good "fit"?

Is this a social caste thing or due to religion?

or maybe the fact that she is engaged to someone else?

0 Replies

@maged-93,

I made the body language remark, because it's hard to see whether something is flirty or not if you have not been there yourself: all you give us now is a description. You can charge any kind of remark with all sorts of meaning with the proper body language (a saucy eye wink, for instance). That's why I made that remark: I am not sure whether or not the remark was meant in a flirtatious manner without having been there to see her while she made it. But judging on the words alone, I reckon it isn't.

As for the rest: that's how you describe it. I'm sure you're fond of her, and I'm also sure you were nice to her and everything. But in the end, you declared your love to an already engaged woman, and she said no. It's true that she could have taken charge and just say no from the start, but she didn't.

Finally, I'm not trying to be insensitive to your emotional pain: of course it hurts when you love someone only to find that they don't love you back. Also, your question was why she added that last statement, that hurt you so much. Based on the information I had, I tried to give it my best guess. Don't treat it all as a personal attack or affront: my posts here were certainly not meant to be read that way.

Anyway, good luck with it all!

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@maged-93,

In lots and lots and lots of cultures, women are stuck having to be polite 24/7, even when someone is bothering them or saying inappropriate things like they love them, even when the woman is engaged to someone else.

In many of those same cultures, men are stuck with having to be macho and persistent and not take no for an answer and press to see if they can 'win' those same women.

Those women are stuck with either not being able to say anything, hoping those men will take the hint, or gently rebuking them but maintain that 24/7 politeness which fits them like handcuffs.

When those men still fail to get the hint, those women are forced to be more and more off-putting and to breach their perpetual politeness long enough to tell those men that they do not have a chance, they never did, they never will, and they need to cut it out and leave them alone.

And then those same men come here and complain that women are mean to them.

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@PUNKEY,

In my situation, it was difficult to discuss any further with her why we don't fit each other. When I was trying to leave her while she is making ever harder than it was already and I found this stab came out of nowhere without even knowing the reason, it is hard to put in words the pain of which hurt most, the heartbreak that I am leaving someone I love or the pain of how I allowed myself to be in such situation how it ended up that way as I tried to do the right thing or what else I am supposed to do ? stay?, or the pain of thinking about it and got this possibility that I have been used badly and get messed up in the head with her "I know, no I don't" situation.
But all that I had to do then is "sigh"
when I had nothing to say then she asked me if she said anything wrong
I answered no.
and remain the question that already asked if she sees that we don't fit each other why she urges it now.

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She is leading you on. That means she keeps talking to you - but there is no future in it. She is engaged to another guy, yet she talks like that to you. y

This girl is a tease. She is cruel.

Block her totally. Find another woman who can pay attention to you.

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Why when I tried to cut her out she told me that we don't fit each other?

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