What constitues a “normal” emotional reaction if a parent loses a child?

My 4-year-old child has been taken away by my ex-wife by filing a false protection order and claiming I am abusing my son. The court did not require any proof and took my child away. The court based its ruling on a diary which I wrote over 2 years ago when my child was taken away for the first time, just for a few days. I am very close with my son and I have spent more time with him than his mother has and he is the center of my life. So when he was taken away and I had no idea when I would ever see him again 2 years ago, I almost lost it. I had states of extreme despair and I felt like I was losing my mental faculties through the pain I was experiencing.

In my notes, I wrote I had fantasies of suicide, was contemplating murder and violence and abduction and revenge. My therapist back then asked me to write as a therapeutic expression and she thought that the feelings and fantasies I experienced were normal for a person whose child gets taken which is the most traumatic event a parent can experience.

My ex's lawyer however said that based on these 2-year-old writings I am making death threats and I am a dangerous person and my child should be taken away from me and the court agreed.

I am interested to hear if any qualified readers think these emotions are normal or what a normal emotional response would be for a parent to have their child taken away.

Also, can anyone recommend how I could find a psychiatrist or forensic psychologist who could read the text and write a declaration saying that it is normal what I experienced or at least that what I expressed does in no way mean I am a threat?

I am also wondering what diagnosis I would have received 2 years ago. PTSD symptoms seem not completely accurate and Acute Stress Disorder ASD does not seem to have the symptoms of violent fantasies. A diagnosis would probably help to convince the court as long as the description of symptoms I will submit to court comes from a reputable source.

Thank you for your input