I Think I Might Be Bisexual! How Do I Come Out? Help!

Are you dating now?

Is there an LGBT society in your school or college? That's a good place to start.

Talk to your aunts, they'll be able to help you.

No I'm currently not in a relationship

No there is not LGBT support center at my school, though I wish that there was. I really want to talk to my aunts or maybe my cousin as she is bisexual as well but I'm too scared. Like I don't know how to come out. I suppose that that is my main problem as of now.

You come out in whatever way is best for you. Usually a one to one talk with someone you trust to not judge you (your aunts or cousin) and as time goes forward it gets easier.

As a gay man I expected a disaster. It wasn't for the most part. After telling my sister, (the first family member) she didn't fall apart or scream or anything of that sort. We just continued having a pleasant afternoon.

The only family member who had a problem was my mother. It was her problem. Remember that. If someone has a problem with your sexuality, it is their problem. They are suffering from a closed mind.

Mother eventually began talking to me again and things were okay.

I once had a straight friend who I was attracted to, I told him after a time, mainly to keep the honesty of the relationship. He didn't have a problem with it and eventually my attraction to him, dissipated. We stayed good friends.

Take it slow if you need or just announce it to the world (Facebook or Twitter - though that wasn't a way I would have been able to go. Lucky for me back then there was no Internet or cellphones. It would have been too much and too fast for me.)

Have you dated men and women? only men? only women?

I don't think you're too young to come out but it seems like you're not sure where you are on the sexuality spectrum.

That's your answer, talk to your cousin. She'll understand. I know it's frightening, growing up and finding out who you are can be scary, but it sounds like you've got a good support network in waiting.

For the record, people don't need to have been in active relationships in order to know what they find attractive.

As someone who is in their 20s and queer, let me give you a bit of advice.

1. Realise that sexuality is an incredibly fluid thing that doesn't just orientate between how "gay" someone is and how "straight" someone is. Very rarely bisexual people are 50/50, there is usually some preference somewhere. Many people find that their sexualities move and change - or that they feel that they've discovered terms that fit their sexuality better than before. For example I know people that originally identified as bisexual but then decided they were pansexual (i.e. interested in all genders, so those that don't fit on the male/female spectrum as well as men and women). I myself identified as bisexual, before I thought I was fully homosexual, before doing a little research and finding that asexual actually best fits my identity. Often members of the LGBT+ community will just use the term "Queer" rather than saying one particular identity so that they can identify themselves as not-straight, but in the meantime not fixing themselves to one set sexuality. Nevertheless, if you feel happy and comfortable with the term "bisexual" to describe yourself, then go for it. Just know that there's nothing wrong with thinking that it might not best describe you in the future, and that you're completely valid for believing that it best describes you now. After all nobody knows how you feel except for you.

2. Remember that nobody is entitled to know about your sexuality. Society, the media, and all sorts tells queer people that if we don't announce our sexuality that we are somehow hiding, or pretending otherwise. You do not have to "come out" at all if you do not what to. Queer people have a hell of a lot of pressure put on us to come out, but your sexuality is nobody's business but your own - not even anyone who you date in the future. If you do not feel ready to tell anyone, then don't. There is nothing wrong at all to do what you need to to feel safe. If you think you would feel a lot better having told people, then that's a decision for you to make. You can come out now, tomorrow, in five years or never, it would not make you any less valid.

3. Absolutely get involved with your local queer community. I know at first it may seem tricky to find (especially in school), but with a little research and when you find out about certain meetings or groups or venues then it can open up a whole new world. Before I "came out", I got involved in an LGBT+ group at school but I felt it was very much a 'support group' for people who felt bad about it. Fast forward to university and I found that surrounding myself with queer friends made me feel happy, comfortable, and positive about who I am. Your cousin definitely seems like the right place to turn to, if she is openly bisexual then I'm certain that she will have local resources. Of course, there's no pressure to come out if you don't feel ready.

Best of luck, and feel free to ask any questions if you're not sure.

Agreed.

As the OP seems confused about who she is attracted to (not unusual for anyone), I thought I'd see if there were any clues that might help her sort things out for herself.

I agree.

The OP is not experienced enough with either sex to make a declaration.

She has sexual feelings for both sexes at age 19. Not unusual. No need to comit or declare anything.

This is an utterly horrendous thing to say and is very very harmful to the queer community. If you tell people that they need to "be experienced" with others in order to tell whether they like them or not then all you are doing is forcing young queer people into sexual situations that they don't want to be in based on this pressure that in order to "really be" who they are then they have to engage in these situations.

Do you want to have sex with a duck? Have you ever had sex with a duck? How can you know that you don't want to have sex with a duck if you haven't yet had enough experience with a duck? You don't NEED experience to know who/what you find attractive.



You're only saying that because she believes that she identifies as queer. "You don't need to commit to a sexuality" was NEVER said to a heterosexual teenager and I am sure that you wouldn't tell her that if she said she was heterosexual.

I said sexuality is fluid and that there's no need to put a label to oneself if you don't want - but labels often help the queer community understand themselves more.

You are telling a young queer woman extremely harmful rhetoric used against us in order to otherwise demean, silence, or otherwise hide us away. You may think that it's harmless and "just an opinion" but it's not. Such societal pressures can have a devastating knock on effect.

Please listen to the queer community and what we are saying.

Thank you for replying. I think that I will probably start with my friends, because though my family will certainly be accepting there is a little bit of tension between my parents, (they tend to disagree and fight a lot). I've known some people who have publically came out on platforms like Instagram or Snapchat and personally I want to take a more personal approach until I become more comfortable. I agree that that makes things so fast with so little time to sit back and breath, like ripping a Band-Aid off.

I've only dated men as of now, since I haven't come out yet.

I think that I will start with my cousin and then move onto my close friends. I'm really lucky that I have such an incredibly accepting family, that helps to take the nerves away a little.

Thank you so, so much! This post was really helpful to me. I think that I personally feel comfortable calling myself bisexual and simply saying that I lean more towards women. I have accepted that I am bisexual, but it's difficult to accept that I have to tell others. And I never thought about it but you are right when you said that there is no pressure to come out. I felt myself audibly breath a sigh of relief when I read that paragraph haha. I feel like I would feel happier if I was out so I definitely will at some point, but your right that it doesn't need to be right now, if I don't feel ready. I think that I will start with my cousin as I'm really close with her and feel much less nervous telling her than anybody else, and then I will go from there. Thanks again!

I'm so glad to hear that. Best of luck!

No need for her to declare a sexual preference- in fact, she's not.

She feels she might be bi.

She says she has a crush on a girl and likes boys.

I don't think she's queer OR hetro.

Still "fluid."

Stop policing queer identities. You don't know how she feels better than she does.

Just stop, realise you don't know, and listen to people that do.