Wedding Symbolism

Hmmm, I guess it depends on what you mean by The Traditional Wedding.

I think the larger aspects of it are important and valuable. Loving couple joined for life witnessed by friends and family. I think ritual, itself, has an important place in life (I mentioned Joseph Campbell on the other thread.)

That said, I struck "obey" from the wedding vows. I walked myself down the aisle. I got married in a former temple by a justice of the peace with a mishmash of various secular and religious references. I had a klezmer band at the reception but didn't do the hora. I had a white wedding dress and veil -- but the veil wasn't over my face, which belied even vestigal "modesty" and property connotations.

Was it A Traditional Wedding? I dunno, but I liked it, and very much liked having 150 people there to share in the ritual.

Good idea for a thread, Noddy!

I'd be interested in hearing whether others had traditional or nontraditional weddings. Tell us your stories. I'll start.

Wedding No. 1 -- It was 1974, I was 19. Tradition was out out out. I was married at my parents' home in front of their big stone fireplace. I came down the formal front staircase alone in a long dress of ivory and gold brocade with ivory satin, which I made myself. No veil. Bouquet of ivory roses and baby ivy. (Would have had matching flowers in hair, but florist screwed up.) My sister, who is an accomplished musician, played the piano. My father did not give me away...that was a big no-no in those days. No attendants. Just the two of us and the minister, who had a full beard (which scandalized my mother.) We wrote our own vows. Reception was after the ceremony in the formal dining room under the crystal chandelier. Traditional cake (except it was chocolate inside) and punch. About 50 guests, just relatives and a few friends. Never had a shower, either (missed that) but did hire a photographer. Honeymoon? Not much...had to move to California immediately for his new job, but did take a day out to visit Disneyland.

Wedding No. 2 -- It was 1983, I was 28. Tradition was back in, but formal weddings were not considered appropriate here for "older," second-time brides. I was a working woman by then anyway. We married at a quaint little pink cottage "Wedding Chapel" that was slightly frumpy. I wore a white linen suit with a peach satin blouse. No bouquet, just a gardenia on the lapel. My husband bought a new silver-blue suit and wore a white rose on his lapel. Wedding party? My sister and brother and another couple with whom we were close friends. Just the six of us. Taped music and a Polaroid photo. Short, traditional ceremony was followed by a lavish wedding dinner at a gourmet restaurant. Champagne-flavored cake with peach glaze, gardenias/white roses in centerpiece, etc. Wonderful dinner. Fabulous honeymoon...took a one-week Caribbean cruise AND stayed on Barbados for another week.

I did it my way both times. Looking back, I would have liked to have had a traditional wedding with the long, white dress, but it just never worked out that way.

Nice synopses, Eva.

One thing I wanted to add is that while I'm happy with how we did it and have an affection for modern ritual, I do not require that EVERYONE do it, at all. And on the other side of things, I think that there are some ridiculously excessive weddings. (Mine totalled about 1/10th of the average at the time in cost -- I made my dress, we honeymooned at the family cabin [free], etc.)

I just don't think that a non-excessive, celebratory wedding is inherently bad.

I have noticed, but then perhaps I've a jaundiced eye, that some of the fanciest weddings I've been to were ceremonies of marriages that crashed shortly thereafter, and that some of the simplest ceremonied, if ceremonied at all, were functional for a couple that made it in life together over many years.

But that was then. I have more room for ceremony in my mind now than I did then, though I am still a fan of simple, for itself, and for the reason that complicated events may obscure and even thwart the activity of becoming a married couple that day, in front of community, and in the months and years ahead of them.

I am nonplussed by wedding events that take immense extravagance and pour it over immense detailed planning; that does seem highly show oriented for social reasons, and I feel it often gets in the way of simple vowing, simple being there. On the other hand, then the event and its planning becomes Theater, and part of me understands that.

I even understand pomp for community reasons; for example, the pomp of inaugurations, or coronations. Now I'm among those who not only happily skipped today's US inauguration, but have skipped viewing many others. I am just not a very pomp loving person, even when I voted for the person so pomped.

Ah, but I also have a slight streak of liking ornate things, if not owning them, and an attraction for sequins though I mostly wear jeans and sweaters. I like formality in gardens as much as I like cottage-y and both of those not as much as I do natural lands, but sometimes it's a push.. So I guess I have room in my views for a wide range of ceremony types.

As to money waste, I understand the cry at money going to multithousand dollar dresses, not to mention the flowers, which will be gone in a whiff.

I am more energized by waste on bombardment of the earth's peoples, waste of earth resources, and so on.

However, as a landscape site designer/architect, I follow a lot of design and contemporary life magazines. Just this afternoon I was ripping some old ones apart, taking out a few photos or articles here and there, while waiting for a client to call back. Yes, among the photos I saved was one in, I think, House and Garden a year or so ago, of a group of women all dressed up at a donation event for the fixup of the gardens at Versailles. The women were amassed on a terrace looking out at the grounds past a very froufrou edifice, and all of them were in beautiful gowns... some of them very beautiful gowns.

I had an attraction-repulsion to that picture. So, I guess I understand various points of view on the subject of extravagant ceremony.

I didn't have a traditional wedding either, everything was
so improvised, it should have been an indication that my
marriage was going to be the same way

We were living together before we got married and within
a week's notice we decided to get married. Since our
families lived in Europe we had just a few people to call
and everyone seemed to have time the following Monday
thereafter which became then our wedding day.

I quickly bought a tomato red suit that had a sexy pencil skirt
and my husband to be insisted on wearing a black/white houndstooth cashmere jacket and black pants.

When we arrived at the courthouse, the judge just had
come back from lunch and was kind of tired and seemed
annoyed of having to go through the whole spiel of reading
the wedding vows. So he started off reading and
in mid sentence he just mumbled: "bla bla bal..we don't need that" and he emerged from the bla bla only when he pronounced us husband and wife, wished us well and off he went.

For a moment, we didn't know if we were married
or not. Everyone was just stunned.

It didn't stop there!
We had made reservations at a little chinese Restaurant and when we arrived there, nothing was prepared and our previous arrangements weren't honored. They either didn't understand us when we made the reservations or they just couldn't cope with a crowd of 20 people at once.

Well, we quickly called our favorite restaurant atop the
Sheraton Hotel and they could arrange something for us.
When we arrived there an hour later, everything was
set beautifully and the piano man played the wedding song for us.
The food was great, and we enjoyed ourselves.

It became a nice day after all.

My divorce on the other hand, was much more planned

----------My divorce on the other hand, was much more planned------------
!!!! So true.

My first marriage:
I knew I didnt want to be married. I wasnt in loveI was in a hurry.
He asked me if we should get a marriage license ( this was his proposal)
I said yeah sure , why not.
We married 3 days later in front of the justice of the peace in sweats.
I was 20 he was 19.
7-8 years later the divorce happened. Though that doesnt MEAN we were together.
I threw that no job, no shower , lazy man out after 6 mos. hehe
Just kept the married title for credit boosting. :-)

Calamity, I laugh. I wore a skirt tux suit, there were six of us at the place on Lincoln Blvd for the wee ceremony, and then we went to the Twin Dragon in BH where we ordered many dishes... including the never ordered again Jellyfish with Whatever, just for fun.

The divorce was more drawn out, twenty years later.

Hehe ossobuco, the chinese restaurants are popular for
weddings, aren't they?

Oh, 20 years later? I got released after 10 years,
7 years would have done just fine.

I bailed out on a second marriage, I'm just not cut out
for married bliss.

Ours should have been ten. This informs some of my comments on a2k. I am now a proponent of punting the football.

i made my sister's wedding dress. she has the palest complection and black hair - she hated the idea of going in white. so blood red it was. nice asymetric dress with a veil attached to it, a looooooong wrap/scarf she had wrapped around her wrists and it just kinda hanged on the back, and a gigantic red hat with little little flowers. she was mightily happy - it was a surprise to all. just the two of us and the groom knew. i myself don't seem to even have time to find someone half decent, not to even mention marrying someone. i invested 8 years into a guy, now i don't seem to be able to even fall in love. ah, drat, who needs'em anyway.

CJ, osso...I agree with you both. Of course the wedding is no indicator of how the marriage will go. Oddly enough, my first wedding was far more "planned out" than my divorce, though. I never thought I could get free, then suddenly there I was. That marriage lasted five years, but it shouldn't have ever happened at all. We were in relationship counseling before we even got engaged. How stupid is that! Ah well, everyone was in therapy in those days.

My second wedding was far simpler...we spent all the money on the honeymoon. I recommend that to everyone getting married for the second (or third...or fourth...) time now.

Our wedding was not traditional. We were married by a JP on a cliff where we went on our first date. We only had 5 friends attend. It was beautiful and very personal. But then the 70 year old JP tried hitting on me- AFTER he married us <shakes head>

I was very traditional except that my mom and my dad walked me down the aisle and gave me away.

My dress wasn't bright white either. It was champagne. My skin coloring doesn't do well with bright white.

I think we decided on a Monday to get married the following Sunday. We called a judge who was a family friend, invited a few other friends and family over and got married in the dining room of our ramshackle rental.

Then we went out and ate Vietnamese food.

The next day we got up and went back to work and regular life.

After 15 married years, following 6 years of living together, the next days are still coming.

Half my life with this guy already.

Go figure.

^us too... we decided on a monday and got married the next friday... some of the best decisions in life are made spontaneously