Wife sleeps alone

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If you have a beautiful wife who takes care of everything, I'm talking...doesn't let the q-tip dispenser run out, pays the bills (husband *makes* the money), wonderful mother, runs all the errands, great cook/baker, cleans, etc etc....still hot after 4 kids, hubby's friends thinks she is cool, up for anything in the bedroom....different positions, let's him in the back door, spontaneous, oral, sex minimum 3 times per week, but usually more like 5 or 6 (sometimes twice in one day), takes care of herself (shaves, waxes, etc), you have sex videos and pictures up the wazoo on your phone of her/the two of you, hundreds more on the computer, she had a professional boudoir photo shoot done and a nice book made... etc etc....

Do you let a woman like that go to bed alone every night or do you treat her like a fuckin QUEEN? Do you sit up on your phone looking at other little naked bimbos while your wife sleeps alone? I'm phrasing it that way because I would not consider it porn. Using an app such as Reddit looking at young college girls showing their assholes isn't watching porn. I feel like I could deal with straight up fake titty, monster cock, horrible acting type porn.
Do you have sex with said wife, retreat to the couch, then still look at the other chicks??? Do you ignore your wife's advances, then stay up and jerk off...even though there is a live human in your bed???

Why? What is this about?

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If you act like his sex toy/object (you think shaving and waxing is "taking care" of yourself, you give him 2 BJs per day) maybe he thinks it's OK to continue using women like pieces of meat on his phone?

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@HawtMamaBear,

HawtMamaBear wrote:

If you have a beautiful wife who takes care of everything, I'm talking...doesn't let the q-tip dispenser run out, pays the bills (husband *makes* the money), wonderful mother, runs all the errands, great cook/baker, cleans, etc etc....still hot after 4 kids, hubby's friends thinks she is cool, up for anything in the bedroom....different positions, let's him in the back door, spontaneous, oral, sex minimum 3 times per week, but usually more like 5 or 6 (sometimes twice in one day), takes care of herself (shaves, waxes, etc), you have sex videos and pictures up the wazoo on your phone of her/the two of you, hundreds more on the computer, she had a professional boudoir photo shoot done and a nice book made... etc etc....

Do you let a woman like that go to bed alone every night or do you treat her like a fuckin QUEEN? Do you sit up on your phone looking at other little naked bimbos while your wife sleeps alone? I'm phrasing it that way because I would not consider it porn. Using an app such as Reddit looking at young college girls showing their assholes isn't watching porn. I feel like I could deal with straight up fake titty, monster cock, horrible acting type porn.
Do you have sex with said wife, retreat to the couch, then still look at the other chicks??? Do you ignore your wife's advances, then stay up and jerk off...even though there is a live human in your bed???

Why? What is this about?

Maybe she doesn't like to sleep with a pig?

1 Reply

@centrox,

So what do I do, stop showering and eat more junk food???

1 Reply

@HawtMamaBear,

That's a false equivalence. It's not all or nothing, and I'm sure you know it.

1 Reply

@jespah,

What is? No, I don't know what you mean.

1 Reply

@Krumple,

....that would put me on the couch. He's the one on the couch, not sure where you're going with that.

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Your husband's actions have nothing to do with you.

But if you want to get his attention, stop being so available to him.

He may or may not wake up.

But really, it doesn't sound like you two know what true intimacy is.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Thank you for your response. I think we do have real intimacy. I don't feel that he is a pig as someone earlier suggested. We live a normal life, he works hard and is a great dad. Also, I am not claiming to be perfect, but was just trying to make the point that I am a good wife in and out of the bedroom and in 10 years after 4 kids I haven't "let myself go."

I just don't feel like there's anything lacking, so I don't understand why he does this. Plus he knows how I feel about it and does it anyway. Hurts my feelings.

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@HawtMamaBear,

Your claiming that if you don't constantly put out then it's time to eat more junk food and stop showering, etc.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Well, as I said above I was just making the point that I haven't let myself go...I would never consider myself a "sex toy" as mentioned above just because I mostly am put together. Like I said, I'm not perfect....its not like I meant I walk around with my hair done up in nothing but a thong and heels all day every day.

As far as "putting out"...I like sex. I like sex with my husband. I want to do it.

I'm looking for real feedback from a guy....I literally want to know what my husband could be missing to make him do that given that I feel like I give him everything. And if anyone wants to say, "why don't you just ask him?!" Well no ****, tried that.

1 Reply

@HawtMamaBear,

HawtMamaBear wrote:

Well, as I said above I was just making the point that I haven't let myself go...I would never consider myself a "sex toy" as mentioned above just because I mostly am put together. Like I said, I'm not perfect....its not like I meant I walk around with my hair done up in nothing but a thong and heels all day every day.

As far as "putting out"...I like sex. I like sex with my husband. I want to do it.

I'm looking for real feedback from a guy....I literally want to know what my husband could be missing to make him do that given that I feel like I give him everything. And if anyone wants to say, "why don't you just ask him?!" Well no ****, tried that.

You are asking the question that I have an answer for. Even though it's not popular. It's one reason why I feel humans are not meant to be monogamous. Ill get to it rather than ramble.

The reason he does it even though you offer him so much, because he wants variety.

Nothing we do as humans is EVER the same. You don't consume the same food every day. You don't listen to the same music every day. Imagine listening to one song, and nothing else ever. Everything we do has massive variety. Yet for some reason, probably due to Puritan beliefs we have come up with this idea that humans should really only have ONE romantic/sexual interest for the rest of their life.

He wants variety. No matter how much you offer him. No matter what you do to spice things up and keep it different. He will disappear to the couch and pull up some porn on his phone or laptop to see a different face. To see a different body type. To hear a different voice.

Hate it or reject this idea but if you really think about it, you'll see I'm hitting the nail.

1 Reply

@Krumple,

I don't hate it. I am a rational person. It makes sense.

I just wonder why I am able to live without looking at other naked people. I know men and women are wired differently...so....I guess that is just it. I like to fix problems and I suppose this just makes me feel defeated because there is literally nothing else I can do.

I know I have my own body insecurities and whatnot, but like I said...I put in the effort to be clean and look good, etc. Irks me that he gained 70lbs and doesn't really take care of himself, snd not because of the actual weight because i still love him and am attracted to him...it is that he then makes little comments to me should I fall short on something or just generally makes me feel like I am expected to put the effort in, but he doesnt then he is still just looking at other women anyway. Like what am I doing it for?

1 Reply

@HawtMamaBear,

HawtMamaBear wrote:

I don't hate it. I am a rational person. It makes sense.

I just wonder why I am able to live without looking at other naked people. I know men and women are wired differently...so....I guess that is just it. I like to fix problems and I suppose this just makes me feel defeated because there is literally nothing else I can do.

I know I have my own body insecurities and whatnot, but like I said...I put in the effort to be clean and look good, etc. Irks me that he gained 70lbs and doesn't really take care of himself, snd not because of the actual weight because i still love him and am attracted to him...it is that he then makes little comments to me should I fall short on something or just generally makes me feel like I am expected to put the effort in, but he doesnt then he is still just looking at other women anyway. Like what am I doing it for?

Ahh. I see, there is more to this than I had originally knew. I see your frustration that you are putting in more effort than him. He can do very little and still gets what he wants. You have to put in a lot more work and still feel like you haven't done enough. I understand you now.

He sounds a bit glutinous. Sometimes this is self supportive. I am not saying you are doing anything wrong, but he has no incentive to put in any more effort if he is getting what he wants. Doing little, is rewarding to him. Why put in effort if he has want he wants or needs? Most people cut the other person off. If it's not mutual input then why give more if they are not willing to give back. You are invested emotionally and are in a way stuck because you care about him, but this supports him. It guarantees he has nothing to lose by doing very little in return.

Some times the hardest thing to do, is the right thing to do for you and your health. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to return the same effort in the relationship that you are putting in? Some times the cut off, is what is needed. It's not easy. But sometimes it's what is necessary. Why can't you be with a person who is willing to put in more for your happiness? To appreciate all that you do?

I think you see where I am going. The question is, what are you willing to do about it? If you are needing someone to tell you, to consider leaving. Then I will be that person. You might want to consider leaving. Or consider getting counselling for him. So he can realize that he isn't doing enough for you. He is not being fair to your needs. Maybe he can change? But if he can't then you might need to consider leaving. You deserve more.

1 Reply

@Krumple,

Well, I won't lie....I have definitely considered leaving, but that's a whole other conversation.

I think I just keep trying to be the bigger person. Like if I keep giving and giving he will want to reciprocate. I've never really agreed with withholding sex, I feel like A. I would then also miss out, B. He will just do more of what he is already doing that I dislike. BUT I see what you're saying about him not having to put effort in and still getting the rewards. We have talked about that. Even if in the moment he says he understands, he might act differently for a couple days and that is about it. Overall I get the impression that since he is the bread winner that covers all of his bases. I've told him that is not the case. We both wear many hats and have to put in effort to juggle all of them....I feel like the husband and wife hats are the foundation and are not the ones to let fall.

So, I need to find a happy medium between what I am currently doing and divorce. Hah.

1 Reply

@HawtMamaBear,

HawtMamaBear wrote:

Well, I won't lie....I have definitely considered leaving, but that's a whole other conversation.

I think I just keep trying to be the bigger person. Like if I keep giving and giving he will want to reciprocate. I've never really agreed with withholding sex, I feel like A. I would then also miss out, B. He will just do more of what he is already doing that I dislike. BUT I see what you're saying about him not having to put effort in and still getting the rewards. We have talked about that. Even if in the moment he says he understands, he might act differently for a couple days and that is about it. Overall I get the impression that since he is the bread winner that covers all of his bases. I've told him that is not the case. We both wear many hats and have to put in effort to juggle all of them....I feel like the husband and wife hats are the foundation and are not the ones to let fall.

So, I need to find a happy medium between what I am currently doing and divorce. Hah.

There is a medium between those two. You just accept it for how it is. Find a way to reroute your feelings. I know that might sound odd but that is the way you cope. You redirect your feelings.

I don't know if this will work but it's worth a shot..

The way I see things, all things. Everyone wants to be happy. But not necessarily ecstatically happy, just content. Free from anxiety, pain and worry. Just content. The problem is, we don't know the best way to obtain contentment without causing problems for those around us.

He just wants to be happy. He has found a method. It might not be the best method but it's currently working.

You also want to be happy. You want to be content. But currently he is stomping on your toes. He is getting his happiness but you are not getting yours. He is standing in the way with his behavior, blocking your contentment. If he were to just shift a little, then you would be happy, right?

Well part of the secret here is just surrendering to this idea. Knowing that he is content in this. Even though you don't like his behavior, he is content and oddly, you are giving it to him by allowing him to have it..

1 Reply

@Krumple,

Hmmm. So I am supposed to just look the other way and not care (or pretend to not care anyway), so he can be happy (content)?

As much as I am a fan of picking my battles instead of blowing up everything that irritates me, this is not one of those times. I guess the bigger issue is that I feel like I'm always the one putting in the efforts to make sure our relationship stays alive (planning date nights, surprises for anniversaries, putting in more effort when it comes to sex, etc), so when is it my turn to be taken care of? I don't do it just so he will do it back, but once in a while might be nice so it doesn't feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

Generally, I am the type to be happy if the other person is happy whether it be my husband, kids, friend, or other relative. I suppose the thing with this particular situation is that I want to make him happy. Emphasis on the "I." I know a person cant fully depend on one other person to make them happy. We shouldn't be co-dependent. We have many relationships and we also need to do things for ourselves to stay happy and healthy.

I guess I just can't help but feel like if he were satisfied and happy with ME then he wouldn't do it. Makes me feel like a failure even though my rational side tells me I am not. I KNOW I am a good wife, I KNOW I am a good mother, I KNOW I am a good person in general.

I think I feel like I am more willing to make to changes (OR do the best I can to not make changes, ex: Not gain weight). I have no bad habits, but I can guarantee if I did and he asked me to stop that I would. He honestly wouldn't even have to ask, he would have to make some under-his-breath comment and I'd hop to it. So, why after me crying and expressing how this hurts me....why can't he do the same for me? To make me happy?

1 Reply

@HawtMamaBear,

HawtMamaBear wrote:

Hmmm. So I am supposed to just look the other way and not care (or pretend to not care anyway), so he can be happy (content)?

As much as I am a fan of picking my battles instead of blowing up everything that irritates me, this is not one of those times. I guess the bigger issue is that I feel like I'm always the one putting in the efforts to make sure our relationship stays alive (planning date nights, surprises for anniversaries, putting in more effort when it comes to sex, etc), so when is it my turn to be taken care of? I don't do it just so he will do it back, but once in a while might be nice so it doesn't feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

Generally, I am the type to be happy if the other person is happy whether it be my husband, kids, friend, or other relative. I suppose the thing with this particular situation is that I want to make him happy. Emphasis on the "I." I know a person cant fully depend on one other person to make them happy. We shouldn't be co-dependent. We have many relationships and we also need to do things for ourselves to stay happy and healthy.

I guess I just can't help but feel like if he were satisfied and happy with ME then he wouldn't do it. Makes me feel like a failure even though my rational side tells me I am not. I KNOW I am a good wife, I KNOW I am a good mother, I KNOW I am a good person in general.

I think I feel like I am more willing to make to changes (OR do the best I can to not make changes, ex: Not gain weight). I have no bad habits, but I can guarantee if I did and he asked me to stop that I would. He honestly wouldn't even have to ask, he would have to make some under-his-breath comment and I'd hop to it. So, why after me crying and expressing how this hurts me....why can't he do the same for me? To make me happy?

Well this is a very common situation. Most people attempt to solve it using counselling. It might work but you really have to ask yourself are you willing to walk a way if he can't consider you more than he is. It's not a good situation.

Wife sleeps alone

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