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school and husband

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sclark
 
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:03 pm
Hi- I was recently accepted into a program at my community college- I have already completed my first quarter. For the 2nd quarter unfortunately work would not be able to work with my current schedule but I would be able to go down to a part time position working 2 12's on the weekends. Going down to this would hurt us just a little bit financially but my family has offered up my grandmothers house that no one is living in rent free. It is not in the best neighborhood but it would save us $800 a month in rent and would allow me to finish up my degree which is only 6 quarters long. My husband refuses to move into this house and wants me to quit going to school, if I have to work the weekends.

I don't know what to do. This would be a great move for us financially in the long run but he doesn't see it that way. Any advice would be extremely helpful.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 331 • Replies: 6
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Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:04 pm
@sclark,
You're not worried about getting burned out? School all week and working 2 12-hour shifts on the weekends?

Cycloptichorn
sclark
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:12 pm
@Cycloptichorn,
No because school is only til noon on Mon-Wed with Thursdays and Fridays off
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Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:18 pm
@sclark,
sclark wrote:

Hi- I was recently accepted into a program at my community college- I have already completed my first quarter. For the 2nd quarter unfortunately work would not be able to work with my current schedule but I would be able to go down to a part time position working 2 12's on the weekends. Going down to this would hurt us just a little bit financially but my family has offered up my grandmothers house that no one is living in rent free. It is not in the best neighborhood but it would save us $800 a month in rent and would allow me to finish up my degree which is only 6 quarters long. My husband refuses to move into this house and wants me to quit going to school, if I have to work the weekends.

I don't know what to do. This would be a great move for us financially in the long run but he doesn't see it that way. Any advice would be extremely helpful.


Since you added in the part about if you have to work weekends. I think he is being a little selfish. He wants to sabotage it by saying he refuses to move in to save money. Because he probably wants more of you around him, I'm assuming here.

This is something that has long term pay off. Its only 6 quarters then things get back to normal right? How can he not consider this? If you quit school now you are no better off than before you started.

You need to really dive in to find out why he is so opposed to this plan. Because his concerns can be addressed if he is having insecurities. I really think the solution to this problem will be found from him. I don't see why you can't have both. You might be spread thin but sometimes sacrifices for a better future must be made.
sclark
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:27 pm
@Krumple,
Yes after the 2 years everything would go back to the way it is and I would be making a lot more money than I am now.

You kinda hit the nail on the head about him not wanting to be away from me. He can't be away from me. At all. How do I handle it from that route now?
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:40 pm
@sclark,
sclark wrote:

Yes after the 2 years everything would go back to the way it is and I would be making a lot more money than I am now.

You kinda hit the nail on the head about him not wanting to be away from me. He can't be away from me. At all. How do I handle it from that route now?


You have to find out a compromise. Since he has "abandonment" issues. You can attempt to try to fulfill them, but like I said that might spread you thin to keep him entertained, with school work and long hours on the week end. You might burn out. But hey I don't know you, maybe that's something you can easily handle.

I would ask him just how much attention from you is enough to get you guys through 2 years. If its an insecurity of his, then you just need to reassure him that you aren't trying to abandon him. If you can get him to the point that he is reassured then I think it can be manageable. It's his fear that is causing him to drag his feet with your plan. I bet you can get him to move into the house if you address his insecurity. How you go about that, I'm not really sure.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 02:16 pm
He seems insecure and frightened that you might be taking career steps that will better yourself. Afraid that you are outgrowing him. So he puts these obstacles in front of you trying to better yourself.

Unless he can come up with a financial plan that allows you to go to school (second job for HIM?) then he should take up this offer to reduce housing costs while you invest in school.

But, really, this guy is showing the first steps of trying to sabotage, hold you back, or thwart you doing anything to improve yourself. What a fool! He does not see the woman he loves wanting to make a better life for the family.

Get an older male relative or friend to convince him and to knock some sense into his head.
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