Is this an FWB relationship or denial ?

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We met a few months ago through our club in college. At first it was strictly about work but then we started texting minimally goofing around and all. Tbh I was attracted to him but nothing kinda more in the beginning.

Then, I followed him one day to take away food and I told him whenever I hung out with my friend I hang out in a dark area and somehow we wound up in a dark area. Throughout the night he kept giving me little touches like touching my nose or patting my hair. I didnt think much of it. But somehow by the way he was patting it made me kinda wet. When we made it to the dark area we were eating our take away and we somehow wound up cuddling. Then we kinda kissed for like hours till the sunrise. No sex or anythin just maybe playin with boobs and finger **** a lil. And he even said he liked me at one point

The kiss was phenomenal and I think I kinda like him after that. But he keeps saying he is numb or doesnt want a relationship and all that. But we talk a lot on the phone. Whenever we hang out we hold hands more or cuddle a lot. There are some days we just continue doing it and he once got really horny but he doesnt force me to have sex.

I really dont want to lose him because He is such a good person and always motivate me and hear me out. But he keeps clinging on to the pain from his past relationship that happenned 2 years ago (which was a fling for the girl but not to him). Should we just continue this fwb thing till he gets over his pain ? Cause I really think if he gets over his pain he will have feelings for me ( he keeps says he doesnt have any type of feelings)

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@kitkat1497,

For starters, this is not (yet) an FWB relationship, as far as I can tell anyway.

But it might develop into one.

It seems that you are both continuing this thing that exists between you, but you aren't really on the same page regarding what you both want out of it: you want a relationship, and he doesn't.

So you have to ask yourself: what does he want out of this? It sounds as if he is interested in a consensual FWB relationship for real, but it's hard to accurately judge something like this.

Look, two years is quite long to be still affected from a past relationship. If he wants a shot at having a relationship again, and it sounds like he has a chance at just that with you, he needs to get his sh*t together. So my advice is to sit down with him and talk it over. Tell him what you want, and tell him you don't want to be strung along. Be as nice about it as can be: no need to verbally bash him over the head, but make sure he knows where you stand by the end of that talk.

And if he doesn't seem to have the intention to change and try something more serious, you are probably better of taking some distance from this thing. You could still be regular friends in that case.

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Why are you so concerned about what HE wants? Apparently he's satisfied with this level of relationship.

You want real dates and a public face on this relationship - not just kissy faces in a dark corner.

Make sure he is mature enough. That excuse about a "hurt" 2 years ago is a poor excuse.

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@kitkat1497,

kitkat1497 wrote:

Cause I really think if he gets over his pain he will have feelings for me

no

you hope he'll have feelings for you if he gets over his previous crush

___

finger-******* is indeed sex

he even said he likes you at one point .... whooo hooo .... he likes the girl he can do sexual things with without having a relationship

__

Back off on the cuddling/kissing/finger-*******/patting/touching and see if you're actually friends. Is he still interested in spending time with you when the sexual parts are not in play. No sexy talk on the phone or sexting. Friendship. If he can be friends, then it is time to think about the possibility of a relationship.

Right now he's taking advantage or your interest in/susceptibility to him. You want him - he knows it and he's taking advantage of that.

If you take the sex play off the table, you'll find out if he really likes you.

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@kitkat1497,

kitkat1497 wrote:

But he keeps clinging on to the pain from his past relationship that happenned 2 years ago (which was a fling for the girl but not to him).

since he wasn't actually in a relationship, he may need some professional (or simply adult) help with getting over his crush

it's past what you should be doing as part of your possible friendship

don't encourage him if he talks about his crush - change the subject to something to do with school/arts etc. you're not his counsellor. you aren't going to fix him.

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