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Sexual Performance Anxiety with a girl I love

 
 
Thu 7 Dec, 2017 02:01 pm
Hello everybody! I will try to keep this as simple as possible. So last February I broke up with my ex but I noticed before the break up when we had sex I started to lose and erection because I would overthink things for some reason.

The more I over thought things the more I would lose my erection. She didn't break up with me because of that, she cheated on me and that is why we broke up. 3 months after the break up i rebounded off a girl on Tinder and we were ready to have sex. We started cuddling and I got an erection but before we had sex i lost my erection because I thought about it too much. I worried about satisfying other people and I thought about losing my erection.

I noticed from there on things have never been the same. 2 months later i met another girl and had a bunch of sex with her but each session we had I was limp before sex and needed either extreme stimulation,alcohol, or to be in a perfect mental state.

After 6 months we stopped seeing each other and now I am seeing a new girl who I actually like and want a relationship with her. The first time we had sex I was a little drunk and it went up and I did not think about it surprisingly. Second time i was not intoxicated and it took a little bit of touching and feeling to stay hard and will power to not think about it. Third and fourth time I couldn't get hard because I was worried from the second time. I overthought about it once again.

Cuddling I am fine and feeling her body gives me an erection but as soon as the underwear comes off, i worry and get stressed out and get performance anxiety. the last time this happened was yesterday and now she is annoyed with the situation. I told her how I feel about her and whats happening and how I feel and she understood but she was still upset and annoyed. After that happened she started bringing up other problems in the relationship.

We were having small issues before about me overwhelming her and her being confused but now it was full fledged. I don't think the sex is playing a part in that and she is second guessing everything. How do I get out of this sexual dysfunction. I actually think I love her and I want to be with her and she knows that and she said she likes me a lot too. But I feel like every time I screwed up sex she brought negative emotions of our relationship back into the playing field. How do I get rid of this performance and sexual anxiety? also how do I maintain a healthy relationship until I get fixed? I want her in my life and want to have sex with her badly but my brain and anxiety gets all silly when it comes to sex and I lose erections. What should I do to keep the relationship strong and my erections lasting forever ?
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Thu 7 Dec, 2017 02:36 pm
Deal with your insecurities. That means counseling. Get some help.

Your neediness and focus on your own erection (as opposed to pleasing her in other ways) puts stress on her. So she's going to get tired of it all.

I have a feeling that there are other indicators in your life going on, too. Can't make decisions? Can't say no to others' demands? Overwhelmed?

Your penis is just reflecting your mental state.
andrewimecs
 
  1  
Thu 7 Dec, 2017 03:50 pm
@PUNKEY,
At this point I do believe I need help but I am worried by the time I get the help I will lose this girl I like . How do I keep her attracted to me ?
centrox
 
  2  
Fri 8 Dec, 2017 05:51 am
@andrewimecs,
andrewimecs wrote:
I am worried by the time I get the help I will lose this girl I like.

Get yourself right. Then think about girls. Half the people in the world are female, and you have the rest of your life to meet them.
andrewimecs
 
  1  
Fri 8 Dec, 2017 10:01 am
@centrox,
That is true! But how do I cope with this now. I am a little upset and I know its over because yesterday she said we are pretty much done because I overwhelmed her and not having proper sex.
centrox
 
  1  
Fri 8 Dec, 2017 10:30 am
@andrewimecs,
andrewimecs wrote:
But how do I cope with this now. I am a little upset

Heed the advice you have already been given.
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