Girlfriend cheated - can and should I forgive

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So, I'm a divorced father of 2. My ex wife was a cheat. I forgave her and the relationship never fully recovered.

I met a girl at the end of last year and she seemed amazing. We have a whirlwind first month - lots of dates, lots of sex, lots of passion. She had been single for over a year before meeting me and went a bit wild in that year. Lots of one night stands which she felt was empowering. I think slutty. I told her my ex cheated and she said she would never cheat.

Anyway- 2 months into our relationship she moved in and a few weeks later I found texts on her phone confirming she had a one night stand - down an alley way of a bar - she was on a batchelorette party - and she fucked some random guy as she claims she was acting wild and showing off to her friends.

Anyway - she apologied sincerely and promised to ever cheat again. She said we had only started dating and she wasn't sure if I was the one. A few weeks after cheating she realized I was the one. And how much she loves me. 9 months have now passed since I found out about this and we are considering taking our relationship to the next level. Engagement. Marriage.

Am I crazy for still being with her? I believe she won't cheat again but at the same time I'm so hurt that she did cheat in the first month. And down an alley way of a bar. Which makes me sick. Apparently she asked first while in the bar if the guy had a car and he said no. So she said the alley would have to do. Any views are welcome.

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Re batcheloretts had a card of things to do like kiss a stranger. Get a guys phone number. Etc. she decided it would be cool to **** someone and go beyond the card thing to be extreme and wild.

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The batchelorette party was exactly 4 weeks after our first date. A few days before we said we would be exclusive.

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@Confusedmanhurt,

In the first couple of months, a couple is usually not at the exclusive stage (which she pointed out to you). I wouldn't love this but I would probably give her a pass on it. Edit: I just saw what you added about having the exclusivity talk 4 days beforehand - yeah, that's a lot more problematic. I'd be less inclined to give her a pass but YMMV.

That having been said, have you both been tested for STDs? Because this is how you get STDs - screwing randos.

Consider a few other things about that night:

Impulsive behavior with no thought as to consequences
Probably a lot of drinking
Poor judgment at best
And bowing to peer pressure

Decide if any of those are deal breakers for you. If they are, then you know what to do.

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Thanks. Yes. We literally just agreed 4 days before and we booked a vacation to Australia for 3 weeks that same week. Then she went on the weekend. She was a bit drink but not wasted she said. All the other girls were married and she was known as being the single one..

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STDs was a big worry. Thanksfully we both got tested a month after than again this week. All clear

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Dude. How many red flags do you need to see here?

Once a cheat, ALWAYS a cheat

Cycloptichorn

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Yeah... I feel crazy even asking the questions here. Her last marriage failed as she cheated.

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She agrees she was wrong but claims we weren't fully a couple then. She said she never would do that now and hasn't other than that once. Keeps trying to tell me we weren't officially a couple then. Hadn't met each other's families. Had only been together 8 nights in that initial 4 weeks etc

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Why is it that you attract cheating women?

Didn't you learn the first time?

Pilot error if this relationship crashes, fella.

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@Confusedmanhurt,

Confusedmanhurt wrote:

Yeah... I feel crazy even asking the questions here. Her last marriage failed as she cheated.

Just, don't do it. I know that's tough because you hear that and you're like 'how do I move forward from here? It wrecks my plans!' But seriously, this is the sort of thing that people look back on and ask themselves why they didn't stop before everything went to ****.

Imagine that here in 4 years things aren't going to so great for you guys. Stress, not enough time together, the 'newness' has worn off the relationship. Would you still trust someone who has a history of making bad decisions, in that situation, to remain faithful?

Good luck....

Cycloptichorn

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