cheating or not

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Alright guys, Im confused and I don't know who else to ask these kind of things..
Her past: had a bf, broke up with her, so she went on a sex rampage with like 10 guys until she met me for the same reason until..

Im with a girl for half a year. We started as friends with benefits and ended up in a relationship.
I have this gut feeling that something is wrong and I just want to understand if im just an insecure beta, but one thing is for sure, im in love.
Red flags that I've noticed: I've noticed that whenever i leave the room, she starts texting someone, when i enter the room, she always closes the phone.
When I reach for something that is near her phone, her eyes opens up like shes about to grab her phone out of fear(just a hunch, who knows)
She does let me see one chat with her friend which is a girl that I know. I never asked to see anything personal, just witnessing.
When shes alone at home, she goes to sleep really late, 2-3 AM. and she has to wake up like 6 hours later. With me, we never stay up so late.
She seemed distant for about a month, even weird.
She coudn't say the reason, but wanted to see each other less.
Little or no desire for sex for like at least 2 months(before it was crazy)(I know it changes over time, but that was weird in a way)(we still had alot of sex tho, we always do)
She talks to at least one guy that she had sex with(he lives in another country)
She has photos of her ex on FB and instagram(Don't care about them that much honestly, I guess it maybe just shows that it's not so easy to let go)(but they for sure arent doing anything)
She dosn't like to speak much about what she did during her day, and connecting emotionally is difficult(speaking about feelings)(When I ask, she either ignores this question or replys in few words)

I was in a hospital for 2 weeks in another country. She didnt want to call me everyday,(just 3 times)(not a srs problem)
The same day I came back, i went to see her, as she says she missed me and stuff. But really. Didn't look like it at all.
Next day we didn't meet and I texted her that she seems distant, and is everything alright.
She says that everything is okay and she dosn't understand what im talking about. I explain to her some of her actions and it's obvious to me that something is wrong.
Story short:
Her sex drive goes nuts, she wanted to try new positions and attitude in bed that she never asked me before
Said that she wants to meet me everyday
but this dosn't fix the feeling that I had before.(maybe fake)
All of this seemed a bit fake and I have a gut feeling that something isn't right.

Talking with her about this:
Right now I don't believe talking to her about this will solve anything, and maybe just lower her attraction due to my insecurities.
Im in love and my mind is deluded, I need yall to put my screws together.

Ask anything, and sorry if im in the wrong forum lane, I swear to god i coudn't find a place to make a topic in the relationship section.
Thank you.

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@okayu,

It seems to me that you noted a problem, and then talked about it with her, and in response she shows more interest in you yourself and in meeting you. Which were, based on what you wrote, your chief problems right: your fear that she was drifting away from you and secretly meeting/hooking up with other people behind your back? I don't think you are a rebound(she seemingly had 10 of those already).

It seems like the sort of changes she seems to have made would be pretty exhaustive to maintain, if they were an act(as you seem to think). There are certainly less elaborate ways to 'pull the wool' over your eyes, if that's the intention. Which I think it isn't.

My advice is, to take a good long hard look at yourself. Are your fears based on actual dishonest acts from your gf, or are they based on your own insecurities?

If you find you don't trust her, then consider the relationship doomed already: from my experience, a relationship without trust will eventually dissolve, often sooner rather than later.

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@najmelliw,

My theory is that she is still in contact with someone that had sex with her. And my gut says that she did have something with another guy.
I just dont know..
I don't want to leave her for SURE, if im wrong with all of this
And obv I want to know if all of this makes sense that shes most likely doing something with another guy. It would help me tons with saving time and energy..

1 Reply

How old are you two?

Do you live together? It does not sound like it.

What do you want from this relationship? How do you want it to move forward

It really sounds like she's giving all she can - or wants to.

1 Reply

@okayu,

okayu wrote:

My theory is that she is still in contact with someone that had sex with her. And my gut says that she did have something with another guy.
I just dont know..
I don't want to leave her for SURE, if im wrong with all of this
And obv I want to know if all of this makes sense that shes most likely doing something with another guy. It would help me tons with saving time and energy..

Based from what you described about her actions, I'm not at all sure she is actually seeing somebody else. However, see my signature for wat I tend to believe in situations such as these.

Like I said, without trust a relationship is going to fail. So if you believe that she might be having something going on with another guy behind your back, you are probably best of discussing this with her and then see where the chips may fall.

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@PUNKEY,

im 22, shes 28
Not living together, I only stay at her place few times a week.
Im just in love, I see that I could live with her and be with her daily.
The only thing thats bugging me and not letting me go any further is this gut feeling. Maybe im just insecure and read too much shi on the internet or maybe something is up.. I dont know..

1 Reply

@okayu,

She said she wants to live with me.
Get a bigger apartment and she wants to quit her job because she hates it and wants to do what she likes(her hobbys that realistically wont pay)
So starting from the second month I would be paying for everything while she would do what she likes.
When I told her im still young(im 22 shes 28)(I got my own company tho) and I need to learn alot of shi, invest in alot of stuff. She replied with: We just have to wait for a better time to move in then.
I lost some feelings cause of that sentence
Your opinions?

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@okayu,

Well, the first thing can be a problem. If she hates her job, she should look for another, I reckon. Stopping to work altogether in order to do something else that she enjoys but won't bring in the rent, would certainly tax you, and with a starting company you need to sink a lot of capital into it to get everything running in the way you want. So make sure she understands that, and that you need for her to bring in her share of the rent.

As for the other thing: why? Why is her willingness to wait with moving in something that has a negative impact on your feelings? It sounds like she is being sensible. Besides, you seem to advocate two different things here: on the one hand, you don't like that she wants to move with you together to a bigger apartment, on the other hand, you don't like it when she says it might be better to wait for a better time to move in together.

To me, that sounds sensible. She isn't saying she doesn't want to move in, she just points out it might be better to wait. Mind you, in your first post you point out you've been together half a year (at most, as you state that you initially started out as friends). That is too soon in my opinion to move in together.

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@najmelliw,

Yeah it's sensible.
The reason why I lost some feelings was because the way she said it.
Im starting to think that she deserves a better guy.
Well.. I make more money than most guys, and my buisness is only growing.
I spend most of my time learning and progressing in every way possible.
I feel that there is no room for me in her life in a way that she wants a guy thats gona pay for her rent. She dosn't want to live with me out of love? The worst thing I can do is get together with a gold digger and well.. I've had my fair share with those. They scare me and sometimes it's not easy to spot them. Something clicked in my head, when she said it, how she said it. I said that im still young, there is no way in hell im going balls deep. I would live with her and share all the expenses, sure. I want her to want me as a person completly. It's my mistake when every girl finds out how much i get payed. It changes the game maybe for some. Young, sixpack with money. What else can you ask for?

Do you think it would be worth to invest more time in her?
I have learned that in buisness you don't use ur emotions and asking advice can be beneficial.
So now im here.
Shes old enough to want a family life. Im ok with that to some extent.
But im still progressing in life, and I know for sure I would do it faster without a girl. Thats why I just did FWB at the start until i fell balls deep.

Do you think it's sensible to just tell her that she deserves a guy that is ready for what she wants and that I will need time that she d oes not deserve to wait. And well.. Just leave because FWB is not possible at this stage anymore.

Thank you.

2 Replies

She's been honest. She wants to quit her job and have someone take care if her while she tries to take her hobby into a business( which you don't think will happen.)

Plus, you doubt her love/ commitment to you. You are suspicious of her past. Your age differences are big at 22 and 28. Experiences and stage of life are different.

While she sees your potential, she just doesn't want to wait.

You seem quite smitten with her. So you won't accept it if I tell you to just enjoy her, but don't get too serious. And DON'T get into any financial lopsided arrangement with her!

0 Replies

@okayu,

okayu wrote:

She said she wants to live with me.
Get a bigger apartment and she wants to quit her job because she hates it and wants to do what she likes(her hobbys that realistically wont pay)
So starting from the second month I would be paying for everything while she would do what she likes.

no

no

no

0 Replies

@okayu,

Sounds like you are still growing - socially, emotionally, professionally, personally - and she's at a dead end and wants you to take care of her.

no

no

no

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@okayu,

okayu wrote:

Young, sixpack with money. What else can you ask for?

mature and funny

__

seriously

you're in two very different places in life

__

there has got to be someone more appropriate for both of you

__

finding someone to have good sex with is easy

finding someone to have a good relationship with is more of a challenge

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