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Relationships and depression?

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MayAndEl
 
Reply Fri 17 Nov, 2017 06:22 am
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. He is my bestfriend. I have had clinical depression, anxiety, for 6 years. Half the time he is supportive. Kind, loving, comforting, when I am emotionally unstable. The her half of the time is not. Saying things like "your negativity is annoying." "since youre too anxious to hang out with my family, I'll bring someone else around." once I was having a panic attack that woke him up and asked what was wrong. I was hyper venilating and he lost his patience saying "that was the most annoying noise I have ever heard." then poured water directly into my ear. He apologized the next morning. I don't know if these are bad signs cause I see him as my future husband. I don't get why half the time he is so loving about my depression and then not so much. I'm afraid he will leave cause he will just get more and more annoyed. He bought a beautiful hotel room for our one year and dinner. He isn't abusive in any other ways. Should I just accept hes not perfect and will get annoyed or is it unacceptable? I love him.
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Nov, 2017 06:34 am
@MayAndEl,
Yes, those are bad signs.

Parsing out abuse doesn't mean it's not abuse. This guy has no understanding or patience or sympathy/empathy for your condition. This will only continue.

I must ask - are you in treatment? Because you sound, from the brief description you've given here, like you could use it. Get treatment from a professional. Please don't try to get it from lovers and friends. Get it from people who are educated in how to help you in the best ways possible.
MayAndEl
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Nov, 2017 07:03 am
@jespah,
I have been in and out of treatment. Medication makes it worse. Counseling never has helped either. (I have had about 9 different counselors now). I know he cares and loves me. He isn't a malicious person at all. I have been in an abusive relationship and its nothing compared to it. I wanna defend him. He will hold me and kiss me and tell me how much he cares for me. Encourage me to shower and cook dinner for me when I have no energy. There's like two sides of him when it comes to his reactions. He's cried that he's scared I am going to kill myself. He talked me into see professional help again and saw that the medications were causing more problems.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Nov, 2017 07:08 am
@MayAndEl,
I know you do, and I understand why, but he's being a jerk to you at best. The guy has no empathy.

As for your treatment issues, one of the problems with mental illness is that it has so many differing manifestations and it's damned hard to treat. How about trying, again, with a counselor. Consider what's gone wrong before and what you can improve upon. You do have to be active in your own recovery, you know.

And this guy cannot help you with that.
najmelliw
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Nov, 2017 08:05 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

[...]but he's being a jerk to you at best. The guy has no empathy.


I think that's a bit too harsh on the guy. Certainly, he's not been there in a supportive way those times you mentioned that you had a breakdown, but having to deal with a depressed girlfriend for a year, without seemingly any apparent signs of progress, can be wearying as well. He might have his own issues, and be afraid to share them with you because of fear that he'll only make your depression worse.

But you need to focus on fixing you. Medication only fights the symptoms, not the cause: plus, they tend to be pretty addicting too.

I'd continue trying to visit different counselors, like jespah suggested, despite your lack of success so far.
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