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Is it a good idea to try to find out what he looks like now?

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Serenidad
 
Reply Mon 6 Nov, 2017 10:08 am
I fell deeply in love with a man 25 years ago. He meant everything to me, but I was just a fling for him and he soon disappeared from my life after a sad and painful 3 month affair. Life went on, but I was never able to forget him completely.
Some months ago, I found out he lived 800 miles from my place.
I am thinking of going there just to see what he looks like now. I don't intend to intrude on his life or even be seen by him. I just want to take a look at him. I figure if I do that, seeing him older and maybe not so attractive, it's like a sort of spell will be broken and I'll be able to really close the door for good.
Is it a good idea, or am I crazy? Or pathetic?
Also, sorry about the boring topic, it's been done a thousand times before.
Thank you anyway for any advice.
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ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 Nov, 2017 10:38 am
@Serenidad,
and if he's still attractive or even more attractive?

then what?

he wasn't into you then

it's over

he moved on

__

talk to a mental health counsellor if you can't get on with your life . .. 25 years later !
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Nov, 2017 01:48 pm
Sure he's going to remember you? Sounds like it was not that much of a big deal for him.

There are other ways to find out about him besides lurking behind his house. If you are that curious, hire a P.I. and have him take pictures.

PS - Why are you reaching so far back in your life for closure? What's happening TODAY that makes you want to re-capture those feelings?
Serenidad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Nov, 2017 02:04 am
@PUNKEY,
What's happening TODAY that makes you want to re-capture those feelings

Hi, I think you've hit the nail on its head. I was never that curious about him in the past but now my marriage, once very happy, is falling apart and I must work on that.
But I am still curious about that man. I am looking for closure as you said, and I was just wondering if looking at him in a real environment would be like confronting reality and not just a fantasy in my mind that would then vanish (don't know if I am being very clear here). The fact is, I am reconsidering every period in my life at the moment, and sorting things out.
Thank you for your helpful post.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Nov, 2017 12:10 pm
@Serenidad,
Your guy from the past is a distraction from the task at hand.

Get your current marriage issues resolved one and for all - whatever that mught be.

Life is too short to dwell in the past.
Serenidad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Nov, 2017 02:50 am
@PUNKEY,
Your guy from the past is a distraction from the task at hand.

Right again! I'd never even thought of that, but now you've said, it looks so obvious. I'm really glad I visited this site, and grateful for people like you taking the time to share your wisdom.
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