Here's my plan for New Years Eve... it's a good one.

I've been mulling this over for awhile, trying to come up with the perfect way to open the New Year. I believe I have it.

It will take place at Shirley's Diner. I've already contacted Gertrude, Bertha, George Wiggings (from the funeral parlor), Lenny, Beatrice, and, of course, my late cousin Joe Birdidnick.

We're gonna grab a bunch of chairs and make a circle in the center of the diner. Then we'll sit there and drink some whiskey and make small talk. I have a hidden tape recorder taped to the late Joe Birdidnick's back that has a timer in it. Every 30 seconds or so it will appear that Joe is saying, "What a party!" or "Pour me another one, Gus!"

Then, at the stroke of midnight, we all pick up our party blowers. You know what those are, right? Like this kid has.....



So, like I was saying, at the stroke of midnight, (I'll cleverly put one in Joe's mouth- again a timer is involved) we start blowing like crazy. The sound of the paper from those party blowers ripping through the air in a beautiful, orchestrated movement is almost too much for me to bear.

If anyone here at A2K thinks they can make it in time, well, hell.... I'll save a chair for ya. The diner is on the corner of Oak and Main.

See ya there.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeha! It's gonna be a good time!