Should I tell the other spouse

No, you are not doing the right thing. Approaching his wife will not make things better between you and your wife. Besides, all bets are that she already knows.

You say it's over, but they work in the same building. That's not good. She should get a work transfer to another site or find another job.

It sounds like your marriage got off to a real rocky start. Was your marriage arranged? It sounds like she was not ready to settle down, yet she agreed to the marriage.

No we have been together 10 years with two kids. The marriage was just about the timing. We were as good as married for years.

That whole story just doesn't add up.

Why doesn't it add up my wife wrote a 17 page letter to me explaining the whole thing. She didn't pause for breath as she was writing it I believe her.

Maybe if she hadn't written it with pen in mouth?

17page letter? Sounds like she had a lot to talk about.

Did you two seek counseling?

why do you think you have the right to do this?

really.

is it going to help your relationship? is it going to help her? what do you know about her relationship?

I will take a wild guess - you probably want to do this to get back at him...to get him in trouble, to hurt him as he has caused hurt to you.

It is understandable to feel that way - to feel he should be made to suffer, but will it really help you and your wife?

You should focus on your marriage and don't worry about him. If he simply made a mistake then by you just letting it go you are a bigger person; if he is a cheating a$$ - he will get caught and eventually suffer - or anything in between.

You will also don't know his wife - she may not believe you - she could cause trouble for your wife at work; anything bad could happen. I just don't see what good could come of telling a complete stranger news such as this.

Best to move on - let him and any resentment or anger go - and hopefully repair your marriage.

My wife did not tell me about the kissing at first or he extent of her feelings for him but she came clean during marriage counselling. She also wrote a 17page letter to me explaining everything from start to finish. She wrote it in front of me and didn't stop while writing it so I hope it's all the truth. It was bad but not as bad as I expected. She never saw the guy outside of work I know this as fact as we know what each other are up to every day. We are in constant contact throughout the day and she is always home at the same time. She teaches and it was only during her free periods she saw him and they didn't even meet for lunch
I know loads of you on here are like don't believe a word and I didn't at the start I knew there was more to it but the was the kissing. I need to believe her going forward or we are finished and for the first time after the 17 page letter I do. We both love each other very much and our relationship has changed for the better since this happened. But obviously I'm still in pain
I want the guy to suffer as well hence the letter. I know I'm not to blame but I did ignore for months emotionally before and after the wedding when she was going through a hard time although I'll never blame myself. She didn't even have the guys phone number as a did a data recovery on her iPhone which she let me do. The only communication was for about 20mins 3 times a week in her room and then endless emails from their work accounts. Anyway I might sound like a mug but I believe her.

It sounds like you two are on the right track. I wouldn't think of making a call whether your wife is lying or not - you know her better than I do or any of us - and you two obviously care about each other.

Since you are going to counseling - why don't you talk to the counselor about your feelings regarding writing a letter to the wife? It might help you to work through this and make a better decision