This is a closure to free my mind. Thankyou for taking your time to read this if you have.

I didn't understand love, i just thought it happened when i met the one for my life, i thought i'd know when it happened, but when it did, i was late, someone else proposed her and it was a big mess,.

I couldn't accept the fact that it happened and i didn't like it at all, i kept telling her " I'm not your friend and it's best for you to not talk to me anymore", but she wanted me to stay by her side as a best friend, 1- i was depressed 2- i didn't believe in the fact that she'd miss me,.
So i stopped texting, calling and tried to not meet up with her, i never fell in love in my life and this was a first for me, i was vulnerable, so i had to distance myself from her,

but she was persistent, said me she'd help me overcome her - one of the funniest thing i've heard, she even went to the extreme to force a common friend to make me talk to her, after 2 months i decided to meet up with her for a closure --- this is the part where i made the mistake of meeting her, i met her and she told me some irrelevant things about some people that gave a small hope to my vulnerability and yes we started talking more, about many stuffs, and at one point she even told me that she loved me, i was very happy that day, but the thing we were doing was wrong, because she was already in a relationship, and i knew the guy, this bothered my mind more than anything.. so i sent her a long text asking her to decide between the two of us..

and after a long break, between which i tried to contact her so many times, she sent me a reply - " i've decided that i'm gonna reject you and choose him over you because i can't live without him" - this hurt, very badly..

at the heat of the moment i asked her about all the things she had told me, some wrong things about that guy (which i believed and didn't want any thing that was demeaning for her) and "why then tell me you loved me? " ... her reply was simply --" i never ever told you all that"

It hurt me so much, I had lots of questions in my head, but my heart felt heavy.
The closure I'm looking here is this:
It wasn't her fault that she was behind me, trying to talk to me, Maybe she did feel lonely and i could understand, but she shouldn't have given me hopes at all, and moreover I was too vulnerable, inexperienced at love and never wanted to hurt anyone, I should have done better, i shouldn't have told her my feeling after knowing that she was proposed by someone else, yes i was selfish, and more than that i didn't want to be that guy who never told the girl how he felt about her,(i know it was late and i hoped she would understand but she too was fragile and sad) but I've learned that having a regret is better that having my heart broken.