Reply
Mon 31 Jul, 2017 08:54 am
I'm new here. This is my essay. Could you please look at it and give me your comment on my performance? Thank you in advance!
Topic:
Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on the youths and the society.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give your opinion and relevant examples.
*************
There are a variety of perspectives of how to spend the leisure time. In recent years, a high proportion of young people have been witnessed to wander around shopping malls in their free time. It is an interesting activity, I concur; however, it is better if young generation is engaged in other healthier ones.
It is undisputable that shopping centers are one of the most popular source of relaxation and entertainment. Wandering these places may breed tiny happiness, sense of satisfaction, and help people escape from hectic schedules of assignments. Many Vietnamese youngsters find that their mood can be boosted when going shopping; consequently, they feel ready and motivated to come back to their repetitive and boring line of work.
However, devoting the whole of free time in shopping centers obviously is not a healthy lifestyle. Wealthy youngsters consider shopping as a leisure activity and they purchase every items they need until they break bank, which is really money-wasting. Meanwhile, others, who have less money, are involved in window-shopping, which is time-consuming. No valuable benefits, except for short-term contentment, are found in such activities
When comparing shopping activity with other ones, I suppose reading books and playing sports are much healthier and more Ones can gain relaxation and a sound grasp knowledge of various facets of life if spending time immersing themselves in series of books. If young people participate in sport activities, their mental, psychological and physical aspects can be boosted. They feel happier, stronger; they work better thanks to the positive impacts of outdoor activities on their logical thinking and mood; they even escape from the risk of unexpected diseases.
In conclusion, each young individual has disparate ways of spending his or her free time, however, it is highly recommended that the young join in healthy activities, rather than wandering shopping centers.
@kimthanh1130,
Welcome Kim, here's how I might'v writ the 1st para. Now let's hear from four more fellas and gals lazy like me
A variety of perspectives tell [explain ?] how to spend leisure [how leisure might be used ? spent?]. Recently many young people [folk ?] have been [are ?] seen wandering [the ?] shopping malls [the mall ?] [weandering the Mall ?], supposedly in free-time. An interesting activity I'd agree; however healthier such might prove better [might confer advantage ?].
Kim lotsavus find edit of this sort dreary, but come on now, fellas, help us
@kimthanh1130,
How to spend leisure? Recently many youngsters are seen at The Mall, presumably in 'free time.' Interesting way. However, there are many healthier pursuits.
or
Many healthier pursuits might be suggested
@kimthanh1130,
Kim see how they avoid your q.
If you wanna hear about para 2, lemme know
@dalehileman,
Kim, so sorry nobody has offered help. Tomorrow I'll add. your 2d para
But 'It is undisputable that shopping centers are one of the most popular source of relaxation and entertainment.' is a perfectly okay sentence...
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace