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Fiance Cheating?

 
 
Reply Tue 27 Jun, 2017 06:22 pm
Hi Everyone,
So basically I need some advice.

My fiancé is a personal trainer, & we’ve had some trust issues in the past from him being secretive.

Things have been great but recently I just had this bad feeling that he was hiding his something on his phone, (always on silent, brightness down only looked at it when I was gone)

I confronted him and he insisted that it was nothing and he’s just use to doing it

I felt as if we didn’t resolve anything so last week I decided to take matters into my own hands and while he was sleeping I went through his phone.

I found a few things, first he was using what’s app which was hidden in a folder and messaging his client which he never told me about

On here there were a few inappropriate words exchanged with other women whom are his clients
Fiancé: it’s been a dream of mine to give you my banana
Client: your banana was so good

Another one on of the clients started stating the words of the song “grind on me” by pretty Ricky and he kept going with it, the other person who was in the conversation said I guess use will be grinding at our next pt session

He was also making inappropriate comments with his mates about other women. “Let’s give her an interracial sandwich “comments like that

He had a betting app on his phone ( we had a problem with this because he was betting too much, but I couldn’t log in he had his sisters email address, when confronted him when I went out the room and came back to show him it disappeared, 3 days later I check his bank statements and find out hes been betting more than twice a week when he’s been promising me that he hasn’t been.

He insists the comments were jokes and he is repeatedly apologizing and trying to make it up to me, he’s given me full control to look at anything, given me his passwords etc.

They may have been jokes but I think its pretty inappropriate, unprofessional and disrespectful to be saying things like that to your clients. & if he had nothing to hide then why was he so secretive.

I need advice on what to do, im stuck whether I should give him another chance. I’m not sure if he’s cheated on me or what else has been said as he always deletes his conversation, I dont want to waste my time.
Thanks!

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Krumple
 
  2  
Reply Tue 27 Jun, 2017 06:34 pm
@Australian2209,
Australian2209 wrote:

Hi Everyone,
So basically I need some advice.

My fiancé is a personal trainer, & we’ve had some trust issues in the past from him being secretive.

Things have been great but recently I just had this bad feeling that he was hiding his something on his phone, (always on silent, brightness down only looked at it when I was gone)

I confronted him and he insisted that it was nothing and he’s just use to doing it

I felt as if we didn’t resolve anything so last week I decided to take matters into my own hands and while he was sleeping I went through his phone.

I found a few things, first he was using what’s app which was hidden in a folder and messaging his client which he never told me about

On here there were a few inappropriate words exchanged with other women whom are his clients
Fiancé: it’s been a dream of mine to give you my banana
Client: your banana was so good

Another one on of the clients started stating the words of the song “grind on me” by pretty Ricky and he kept going with it, the other person who was in the conversation said I guess use will be grinding at our next pt session

He was also making inappropriate comments with his mates about other women. “Let’s give her an interracial sandwich “comments like that

He had a betting app on his phone ( we had a problem with this because he was betting too much, but I couldn’t log in he had his sisters email address, when confronted him when I went out the room and came back to show him it disappeared, 3 days later I check his bank statements and find out hes been betting more than twice a week when he’s been promising me that he hasn’t been.

He insists the comments were jokes and he is repeatedly apologizing and trying to make it up to me, he’s given me full control to look at anything, given me his passwords etc.

They may have been jokes but I think its pretty inappropriate, unprofessional and disrespectful to be saying things like that to your clients. & if he had nothing to hide then why was he so secretive.

I need advice on what to do, im stuck whether I should give him another chance. I’m not sure if he’s cheated on me or what else has been said as he always deletes his conversation, I dont want to waste my time.
Thanks!




Well first of all dont assume marriage will solve these issues. Often it makes them worse.

My opinion is these two aspects are major red flags, enough so that I wouldn't marry him any time soon. I know you care about him but these aspects are doom for the future you.

He needs professional help with the gambling.

And it might be wise to get some couples counseling before you get married. Bring these things out so they can be dealt with.

Its possible he is having one girl anxiety. So hes trying to get attention from other women. Or perhaps it's even worse than that and he has been secretly getting involved with women while he has been with you.

Also don't assume or think you can "fix" him. There are very specific reasons he is behaving this way. If those underline reasons are not dealt with he will continue to behave this way. You can't force these things to go away, they have to be addressed correctly.
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tibbleinparadise
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Jun, 2017 07:35 pm
@Australian2209,
Krumple has given you some excellent guidance.

There is no amount of care in the world that can make a person behave themselves, change, not be terrible, etc. Proceed carefully.
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