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Grammar and punctuation advise for my "Brand Promise"

 
 
mlrich
 
Reply Wed 10 May, 2017 08:54 pm
Hello, my name is Marc Rich and I am a tile installer. I am in the process of designing a business card and before I send it to print I could use some advice. I'm confident in the design of my card but not the wording, grammar or punctuation of the so-called brand promise. This is not my forte. After doing a google search and installing a useless grammar add-on for my browser I came across this forum and thought it would be the perfect place to get some good advice. I remember reading a quote on a forum that said: "Correct punctuation is addictive; learn it!" I felt a little envious after reading it but knew it was true and understood how people could appreciate the correct punctuation and grammar. By the way, I should have said I'm paraphrasing the quote because I more than likely messed it up. Anyway, if anyone is willing to look this over, Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. The beginning sounds like it should start different but I'm not sure how. The name of my business is "The Art of Tile"

15 plus years experience utilizing the most current and technological installation materials and methods to create the quality art you and your home deserve.
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 540 • Replies: 7
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Blickers
 
  2  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2017 10:36 pm
@mlrich,
Well, you certainly need to shorten it.

I think you are trying to say too much. You want to boast how long you've been in business, (15 plus years experience), trying to appeal to the factual, technological side, ("utilizing the most current and technological installation materials and methods"), and then switching to the emotional, artistic side, (create the quality art you and your home deserve). That's three different areas of focus in one sentence.

Concentrate on shortening this sentence. Something has to go-my head was spinning by the time I got done reading it.

Edit: Just taking a stab, I'll start off the shortening process by trying: "Utilizing the latest materials and methods to create beauty in your home".
mlrich
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2017 11:14 pm
@Blickers,
Thank You! I'll work on shortening it.
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mlrich
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 May, 2017 12:43 am
I can not edit my post above but here is a shorter version. I still feel like I need to establish the fact that the materials I use compared to past products are far superior.

15 plus years experience utilizing the latest materials and methods to present The Art of Tile in your home.
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ekename
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 May, 2017 09:35 pm
@mlrich,
ART MEETS TILE

Marc Rich
8675309

Master artisan with the (extensive) experience, (consummate) expertise and (latest) materials to create your world.
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Blickers
 
  2  
Reply Thu 11 May, 2017 10:08 pm
Both of those are definitely an improvement.

Or, "Cutting-edge technologies create the Art of Tile in your home."
ekename
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2017 12:36 am
@Blickers,
Cutting-edge tec , you are a card.
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mlrich
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2017 02:54 pm
Great Ideas! thanks everyone!
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