Still in love with Affair Partner

I'm married, but have been unhappy for years. I stay married because of my young children. My wife and I are amicable and we don't argue, we just fall out of love a long time ago. Two years ago I started having a affair with a younger coworker who was also married. Shortly after we started having our affair she became pregnant with her first child (her husbands). While we told each other it was best to end it, we continued the flirting and the affair picked up after she came back from maturnaty. Over the next year we became extremely close and deeply in love. However, we both kept our guard up as neither one of us wanted to be the one who got hurt. On occasion she would tell me she would leave her husband if I asked her, but I could never work up the courage to leave my kids. This past summer I had decided to leave work, which subconsciously I think was my way of removing an obstacle (she was a direct report of mine). At the same time I was deciding to start my search, she confronted me and told me she loved me but needed to focus on her life and was going to start trying to have another baby. While this may have been her way of pressing the issue between us, I told her I understand. I ended up accepting a new job in August but wouldn't start until December. Within a month of me telling her I had taken another job, she told me she was pregnant. The week before she broke the news, we had been intimate and told each other how much we love each other. When she broke the news to me, I was devistated and became angry with her when she said she wanted to keep things between us the same. After a few days I told her I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but she had completely changed her tone. The following months prior to me leaving for my new job were a mix of emotions trying to figure out how she could complete switch gears on me. Now my head knows she was pregnant with her second child but my heart couldn't comprehend how she could just turnoff all emotions. She barely even showed emotion on my last day.

For the first few months after I started my new job she called me regularly - like clockwork never seeming overly interested. The conversations revolved around what was going on at work and other benign conversations. Anytime I tried to talk about us she would change the subject. Finally one day I was so frustrated with the situation that I told her I didn't want to just be friends and that I didn't want to talk to her anymore. In my mind, a clean break while difficult would be better than the rollercoaster of emotions that I went through waiting to speak with her and then thinking about her for the next two days. I know she still loved me as much as I loved her and it pissed me off that she wouldn't admit it - and yes I realize how ridiculous this all sounds.

Anyway, it's been over three months since we last spoke and I still think about her anytime my mind goes blank. I'm thinking of calling her and telling her I miss her? As you can guess her baby is almost due, so I know it's completely selfish of me.

I want her back, but I don't want to make a foul of myself. I think reaching out now after telling her I didn't want to talk anymore will make her react negatively. I also know her, and she will not reach out to me either. On top of all of this, she due soon so my head is continually telling me I'm a fool and I need to move on...