our unromantic and sexless marriage

He's being more than a little ridiculous. He blames you for earlier problems and then holds grudges about those imperfections for years.

He needs to meet you at least halfway in all of this. Forgetting about romance and sex for a moment - you two have got to be able to get along. And that means he begins to take some responsibility for his behavior.

I know your culture will give you grief if you get couples therapy (a pity, as you really, really need it), and your own mother is certainly not being supportive. I also know divorce is probably completely off the table.

Rather than porn, I suggest that you, together as a couple, see some romantic films. They don't have to be heavy on the sex. Just films where the couple cares for each other and truly feel love. Basically "they lived happily ever after" kinds of films. And then maybe talk about what happened in the film. Not in the context of shortcomings. Just - do you think they really cared for each other? Do you think it's realistic? What do you think happened in the story after 'The End'?

I am not a doctor; just trying to figure out how to get things to work in a way that doesn't utterly erase you as a person.

I'm kind of serious about this. Marriage, as it exists in my or any culture that I know of, is generally a losing proposition. It is a relationship destroying arrangement. I don't recommend it to anyone unless they can invent their own version.

Divorce this man and see if you still want to be with him.