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Sat 11 Mar, 2017 07:50 am
Question: Write what you can do to protect our environment.
These days, it is said that the problem of global warming is getting more and more serious. In cities, you can see a lot of cars running. These cars are emitting large amount of carbon dioxide.
If you continue to take cars when commuting, it will not only make global warming more serious by emitting carbon dioxide, but also it will make Japan like China. I mean, in China, environmental pollution is serious because too many cars are running and there are a lot of factories. How can we avoid such a consequence? We should cooperate in car sharing or using public transportation systems, for example.
Also, it is said that 3Rs (reduce, reuse, and recycle) are important to totally reduce our natural resource consumption and protect our environment. We can carry our own chopsticks and reuse them, or we can recycle our daily newspapers. I often pick up PET bottles and take them to a super market for recycling.
There are a lot of things you can do. It is important that we should always behave thinking about our environment. (178)
@discernment tan,
Question: Write what you can do to protect our environment. (Awkward? Need context on that 'Question: Write' biz)
Apparently global warming is getting more and more serious with huge numbers of cars emitting carbon dioxide.
Now we need 10 more ed.'s. C'mon guys...
This is a short essay in an entrance exam of a Japanese University.
So it doesn't have to be very strict.
Many of your sentences are technically correct but sound awkward to the native English speaker. Here are a few suggested changes. Your original sentence in red, my suggestion in blue:
These days, it is said that the problem of global warming is getting more and more serious.
Overlong. Try: Researchers say the problem of global warming is getting worse and worse.
In cities, you can see a lot of cars running. These cars are emitting large amount of carbon dioxide.
Overlong, you can combine into one sentence which reads and sounds better. Try: In cities, you can see a lot of cars running, which emits a lot of carbon dioxide.
If you continue to take cars when commuting, it will not only make global warming more serious by emitting carbon dioxide, but also it will make Japan like China. I mean, in China, environmental pollution is serious because too many cars are running and there are a lot of factories.
Shorten to make more readable and listenable. Try: Continuing to take cars while commuting will not only emit too much carbon dioxide into the air, it will make Japan look like China, which is severely polluted due to carbon dioxide emitted from cars and factories.
How can we avoid such a consequence? We should cooperate in car sharing or using public transportation systems, for example.
Sentence is fine.
Also, it is said that 3Rs (reduce, reuse, and recycle) are important to totally reduce our natural resource consumption and protect our environment.
Not bad, but make it "the 3rs". And stop saying "It is said" so often, it makes your essay sound like you don't really know. Like this: Use the 3Rs (reduce, reuse, and recycle) to totally reduce our natural resource consumption and protect our environment.
We can carry our own chopsticks and reuse them, or we can recycle our daily newspapers. I often pick up PET bottles and take them to a super market for recycling.
Perfectly good sentence.
There are a lot of things you can do. It is important that we should always behave thinking about our environment. (178)
First sentence is fine. "Behave" is out of place in the second sentence, it does not make much sense to the native English speaker. Try: It is important that we always think about saving our environment from pollution.
@Blickers,
Thank you for your perfect advice. It helped a lot.
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