finding my birth father

Ask your mother questions, such as how old she thinks he is/was, does she know things like where he was at school or work, whether he has any siblings, his hometown, his birthdate, his religion, that sort of thing.

Keep in mind that she may not want to talk about him in detail. Ask if any of her friends knew him, too.

Also keep in mind that he is a deadbeat. He never took care of you. The likelihood is high that he was married when you were conceived, or he could be a different faith (with disapproving parents). He could be in jail or dead for all you know.

Please don't construct a fantasy about this man who has never supported you and may not know you exist.

have asked mum about him an she has told me everything that she knows an he is definatley not in jail or he is not a bad person! according to mum he lives down near the bottom of the south island! it was curious though cause my fathers oldest son messaged me on facebook a while ago asking if i was his sister an saying that we have the same dad which was pretty strange we ended up becoming alot closer from that an he has said that when he was younger our dad was around to se him grow up! its been interesting finding out stuff about my dad from my older brother on my dads side but i just wanna be able to see him an know if he is my father or not if you know what i mean