My Suicidal friend is draining on my mental health

Forums:
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Hello, so I'm not sure if this the right forum to ask this on but I've tried others and haven't gotten any replies so hopefully I can at least get some help through this. So, my best friend I've known since elementary school has been causing me a lot of stress and just overall put me in a bad place lately. She's suicidal and has been for a long while now and I've had to talk her out of actually doing something many times. Recently I've noticed that when she texts me I get really nervous and don't want to open it because it may be her talking about something serious and I feel like it's so shitty of me to think that and act that way but I just can't deal with it anymore. I've gone onto other forums and read things that would exactly describe my feelings toward her but then they would say how their friendship is one-sided and the person is selfish. Yet, my friend is never like that. She'll always ask me how I'm doing and make sure I'm okay but I just don't tell her anymore because of the fact that then I feel like it makes us closer to each other and I honestly feel uncomfortable doing so now. I feel like such a shitty person to literally sit here and type this out because I should just suck it up and stick with her and help her like a good person would do but I just physically can't anymore. I've recently turned 17 and due to an incident went to my counselor at school for the first time and talked to her about how I'm so tired but if I leave something bad may happen and she may end up doing something (I didn't say her name even though the counselor asked because I knew that could lead her to doing something as she's told me in the past) and the counselor told me that I should tell someone because it's too much for one teenager to deal with. This is what sort-of woke me up a bit to realizing that I'm only one person and I don't know what I'm doing only being a teenager. She always calls me her therapist and I just can't do it anymore but then she relies on me and it's this ******* circle in my head that I keep going around on. She's so dependent on me and I used to have so many more friends but when I got close to her again in high school (we didn't talk in middle school) I lost all of them because she didn't like them. I feel like I can't make friends anymore because she'll think I'm drifting away from her. When I used to help her it was so much simpler and I didn't feel mentally or physically exhausted (it started freshman year and I'm a junior now) but now it's like nothing I can say or do can help but then she tells me I'm the only one who keeps her going so it's not like I can just up and leave the friendship. I constantly tell myself that it's just a couple more years till I can leave and not talk to her anymore but then she says "please don't ever leave me. I don't know what I would do if you left me" and it scares the **** out out me and makes me feel so guilty at the same time. I don't want to be the thing that helps her so much then ends up ruining her but **** I just really have to be away from her sometimes. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't do anything to stop it. I hide my text messages to other people from her because I don't want her to know I talk to those people more than I do her sometimes. She's really not a bad person and is so sweet and caring so I feel absolutely horrible for this because she's been so nice to me all the time. My mind is just a mess right now and I genuinely don't know what to do. She's also a very affectionate person but I'm really not (as in I hate hugging and saying "I love you") because it just makes me so uncomfortable and she knows that because I've had to talk to her and say that I'd rather she not do certain things sometimes as I'm really not into it but it's like I can tell she's hurt by it so I just say "but it's okay for you I guess." I probably repeated myself so many times in this but I really needed to just get this off my chest. Thanks if you reply though.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 452 • Replies: 4

No top replies

@Jaback165,

Jaback165 wrote:

..... She always calls me her therapist ...

This is exceptionally unfair to you. You are not trained and you are not objective or impartial. But real therapists are. And so you will need to steer her in that direction. Make it clear that it's not that you don't care; it's that you can see she needs to talk to a professional.

One thing to tell you (and you probably don't want to mention it to her): her behaviors are extremely selfish. No matter how many times she asks you how you are, she is also essentially using you. She is leaning on you and is passive-aggressively driving you away from other people. This is sucking all of the joy out of your friendship with her. It has become a duty, and it's a duty you have been putting off and shirking and hoping will go away.

It will not unless you make a break and transfer her over to a therapist. You cannot make her go but you can make the case for a therapist as well as you can.

And she is also using your white knight behaviors to manipulate you. She cries wolf and you rush in to help her. Well, you're really just enabling this stuff. I do take threats of suicide seriously, and everyone should. And that means, truly, that you need to foist her onto a therapist because the caring thing to do for someone who is ill is to get them treatment and not try to perform surgery by yourself with a couple of Google pages and a Swiss Army knife.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Thank you so much for the reply. Sorry if it's an inconvenience but do you mind telling me some pointers on how to bring it up to her because the reason for her thoughts are because of her parents and they would never allow her a therapist so maybe the school counselor? I'm just not sure how to mention as she's shot it down so quickly in the past.

1 Reply

@Jaback165,

You said you're talking to a counselor. Is it the one at school? If so, then that's a natural conversation starter. Something like (when she starts to bring up her problems with you) -

"You know the school counselor, Mr. ___ (or whatever name or gender that person is)? I met with him the other day, and he was really nice. I think he could help you, too, if you give him a try. He said everything we talked about is confidential."

0 Replies

@Jaback165,

Jaback165 wrote:

Hello, so I'm not sure if this the right forum to ask this on but I've tried others and haven't gotten any replies so hopefully I can at least get some help through this. So, my best friend I've known since elementary school has been causing me a lot of stress and just overall put me in a bad place lately. She's suicidal and has been for a long while now and I've had to talk her out of actually doing something many times. Recently I've noticed that when she texts me I get really nervous and don't want to open it because it may be her talking about something serious and I feel like it's so shitty of me to think that and act that way but I just can't deal with it anymore. I've gone onto other forums and read things that would exactly describe my feelings toward her but then they would say how their friendship is one-sided and the person is selfish. Yet, my friend is never like that. She'll always ask me how I'm doing and make sure I'm okay but I just don't tell her anymore because of the fact that then I feel like it makes us closer to each other and I honestly feel uncomfortable doing so now. I feel like such a shitty person to literally sit here and type this out because I should just suck it up and stick with her and help her like a good person would do but I just physically can't anymore. I've recently turned 17 and due to an incident went to my counselor at school for the first time and talked to her about how I'm so tired but if I leave something bad may happen and she may end up doing something (I didn't say her name even though the counselor asked because I knew that could lead her to doing something as she's told me in the past) and the counselor told me that I should tell someone because it's too much for one teenager to deal with. This is what sort-of woke me up a bit to realizing that I'm only one person and I don't know what I'm doing only being a teenager. She always calls me her therapist and I just can't do it anymore but then she relies on me and it's this ******* circle in my head that I keep going around on. She's so dependent on me and I used to have so many more friends but when I got close to her again in high school (we didn't talk in middle school) I lost all of them because she didn't like them. I feel like I can't make friends anymore because she'll think I'm drifting away from her. When I used to help her it was so much simpler and I didn't feel mentally or physically exhausted (it started freshman year and I'm a junior now) but now it's like nothing I can say or do can help but then she tells me I'm the only one who keeps her going so it's not like I can just up and leave the friendship. I constantly tell myself that it's just a couple more years till I can leave and not talk to her anymore but then she says "please don't ever leave me. I don't know what I would do if you left me" and it scares the **** out out me and makes me feel so guilty at the same time. I don't want to be the thing that helps her so much then ends up ruining her but **** I just really have to be away from her sometimes. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't do anything to stop it. I hide my text messages to other people from her because I don't want her to know I talk to those people more than I do her sometimes. She's really not a bad person and is so sweet and caring so I feel absolutely horrible for this because she's been so nice to me all the time. My mind is just a mess right now and I genuinely don't know what to do. She's also a very affectionate person but I'm really not (as in I hate hugging and saying "I love you") because it just makes me so uncomfortable and she knows that because I've had to talk to her and say that I'd rather she not do certain things sometimes as I'm really not into it but it's like I can tell she's hurt by it so I just say "but it's okay for you I guess." I probably repeated myself so many times in this but I really needed to just get this off my chest. Thanks if you reply though.

First of all you are not alone in this. You have options.

When it comes to depression, its a spiral, the person stays inside a mindset if thought that perpetuates more anxiety and depression. The solution is to get the person to break the cycle of thinking that creates the spiral.

Most people only address the symptoms of their friends depression instead of going to the core thought causing the spiral.

Can you share your friends with her? Introduce your friends to her. Let them know you care about her and want to help and if they would be willing to help you help her. Its good karma all the way around.

Find out what her complaints are, what her spiral thinking is. Is she lonely? Help her find friends, a relationship, ext. Is she scared of the future? Help her make plans, tell her youll be there for her if she needs advice. Is her self esteem low? Build her up.

One thing I tell people who are depressed

"Things can not always be bad, its statistically impossible."

Some times just that simple statement is enough to temporarily break the spiral thought then the next step is to address her needs as above. Find out what she is depressed over and then help her get it after you break her thought spiral.

This will not only help you get out of the burden you feel but it moves her closer to a solution. She can become a less needy friend if you do that and youll once again enjoy her texts. Besides one day you might find yourself in a depression and she might pull you out like you did her.

0 Replies

Forums
» My Suicidal friend is draining on my mental health

Read Question
Reply to All

My Suicidal friend is draining on my mental health

Quick Links

My Account

able2know