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Is it morally wrong to seperate from my pregnant girlfriend?

 
 
Skugs
 
Reply Fri 25 Nov, 2016 06:50 am
So my partner and I have been dating on and off for about five years and just recently agreed to keep a baby. We are near the end of the first trimester and she seems to be a completely different person, constantly making me feel quite uncomfortable and unhappy. I feel as though I should break up with her but I'm worried about the future of our child.. would two happy homes be better than one fake one? Should I stay with her just for the baby?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 328 • Replies: 4
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Fri 25 Nov, 2016 08:24 am
@Skugs,
This is a difficult question. There are so many things involved in your decision that I don't know. But without knowing the details, you should think very seriously about staying with your partner.

Pregnancy is physically difficult. It makes a difference if you can support her. This means being understanding with what she is going through physically and emotionally and helping her through the birth. If she has deal with the strain of pregnancy and the pain of a breakup at the same time, it is extra difficult.

Breaking up will not only make the birth much more difficult for you partner, it will also make it harder for you to bond with you new child. You are going to be a father. To me this is worth the world.

It may be that these changes in the relationship you are describing are because of the pregnancy. Not only are there physical changes during pregnancy that come with emotions, there is also the added pressure of thinking about the future. It isn't surprising that this would cause stress in your relationship.

If you choose to stay, I would strongly recommend couples therapy. Having a therapist work on the issues in your relationship would help everyone, you can figure out how to address the problems, and you are signaling to your partner that you want to be a good father (which is really important at this point).

By staying, you aren't making a lifetime commitment to your partner. In a few years you will be in a different place... and there is a good chance that you will like being in he family and be glad you stayed.

In any case, you are making a lifetime commitment to your new child. For you to stay and work on the relationship is unquestionably the best thing for your child.
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Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Fri 25 Nov, 2016 08:54 am
You've been on and off for a few years, this may just be the best way for you both. It doesn't mean that you don't have some good feelings for each other and it doesn't mean you should abandon her now.

Stay supportive for now and be there through the pregnancy for her and for the well being of the child you have both created. After the birth you can work out whether or not to stay together as a couple or to raise the child in 2 homes. Sometimes separate living arrangements are better for all involved; but, most especially for the child, as they can pick up on tensions between their parents and thus suffer consequences both emotionally and physically.

Further, realize that some of her current emotions may be related to hormonal changes which occur during pregnancy and also the mental hit which both of you are getting from the knowledge that life is about to have a big change.

Best of everything as your future takes off on a new and unexplored roadway.
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Skugs
 
  2  
Reply Fri 25 Nov, 2016 03:14 pm
Thank you guys this is really helpful advice. I really value and appreciate your input here.
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TomTomBinks
 
  2  
Reply Fri 25 Nov, 2016 07:55 pm
@Skugs,
By agreeing to have a baby you have by implication agreed to raise that baby to the best of your ability right through to adulthood. This includes the inconvenience of dealing with your hormone-filled girlfriend, and ANYTHING ELSE that comes along. You will not serve your child's interests well by abandoning his/her mother when she is in her greatest need. You have responsibility to both your woman and your child. Being uncomfortable may be a part of it, you simply must endure it.
Did your father walk out when he was inconvenienced by responsibility? I hope not.
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